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It was like I was a recovering addict and I’d just taken hup the stairs toward me Her eyes flicked to Alex "Hey, Alex Sorry, I have to borrow her irabbed my arm and hauled me down the steps toward Jake before Alex could even open his mouth to protest

Her frantic behavior yankedon?"

Jake shoved a hand through his hair It was really getting long now "Beck’s gone"

"Gone?" I gaped at Claudia "How did that happen?"

She shook her head, her chest rising and falling in shallow breaths "He was fine Iup He wasn’t talking but he was sitting with ht… anyway, he eventually said he needed some aspirin and we didn’t have any so I ran out for soone"

I rubbed her shoulder, trying to soothe her "Take a breath He can’t have gotten far In fact…"

"In fact what?" Jake asked inored his tone "My bet? He’s out soain And since he’s only been here once before, it would make sense that he’d try to find somewhere familiar"

Claudia threw her hands up in annoyance "I’m so stupid He’s at The Brewhouse"

"I think it’s worth checking out"

Soiven that it was afternoon The gorgeous, tragic-looking rocker certainly stuck out

Beck sat on a barstool, head bowed, hand on his head, the other wrapped around a glass of scotch

"He’s hitting the hard stuff," I murmured

"Wouldn’t you?" Jake said

"I’ my pain with self-h pain threshold," he s"

I blinked, feeling er

Claudia threw et to Beck I waved her off and she hurried after hio fk himself

"Beck, you don’t want to do this" Claudia pressed in on his other side, her ar around him I watched as his body instinctivelyto help"

"Isn’t it?" He shook his head and that ache in my chest hurt harder than before at the pain in his voice "I was a shitty son I wasn’t there for him I should’ve been there for him"

"Beck," Jake said, "he wasn’t exactly father of the year You can’t blalare at hi us nowhere

I gently nudged Jake out of ed it out of his grasp, scotch spilling over the sides "I get it," I told him quietly "It doesn’t matter what anyone says, or the reasons why you didn’t see your dad a lot The facts are you didn’t The facts are he died and you never got a chance to fix everything between you" His eyes clung to uilt The blaht now You wonder if you ever will Well, you don’t know the answer to that, but I do know you’re not going to find it in a glass" I leaned into hi and I’ot to work out all those feelings yourself But I can tell you that you’ve got three friends here ill do anything they can to help you get through this Anything but watch you drink yourself under a table"

Our eyes see between us

Finally, Beck nodded and made to stand up

I felt Jake and Claudia relax a little Claudia tucked herself into Beck’s side so he could hold on to her Jake paid Beck’s tab, and alked back to the apart of coffee felt soothingly wars underneaththe hush of grief fill every space in the apart under that feeling

"He’s sleeping," Jake said as he walked into the living room I followed him withdeprived of hi with hiry tension radiated off Jake and I kneas partly to blame for that

Jake yawned and collapsed into the nearest arrew steadily harder to deal with

"Listen--"

"His dad was from San Francisco," Jake cut me off, his voice brittle "His favorite place was Baker Beach" He looked at me directly for the first time "He wants the four of us to take his dad’s ashes out there A road trip"

I felt sick with nerves at the thought of going on a road trip with Jake

As if he sensed my instant dislike of this plan, he smirked unhappily "You were the one who pro"

Did he think I’d break that proer and ? "I’ll do this for him"

"So will I"

I looked away A road trip with Jake

Beautiful… just beautiful

"What you said to him," Jake said, his tone a little softer, "is that what you’re going through right now?"

I didn’t knoas worse, his anger or the concern in his voice More than anything I wanted to confide in Jake, and only Jake Funny, hoas actually the last person that I could confide in

"I’ot up and walked past hiht?"

Chapter Twelve