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"A year," I repeated, trying to get my head around it Three hundred and sixty-five days without seeing her face or kissing her goodnight This was going to killhis file "I think it’s the best I can do, I’es dropped I’m sure of it But you’ll have to take the consequences of that one in order for ulped and nodded in agreeet a better deal than that At the s, possession of a firear into the car stuff too If I agreed with his plan then the only thing that would go on htly here, one year as opposed to about ten I had to take it

"Okay," I agreed

He so and speak to otiate the other stuff away

You need anything?" he asked, cocking his head to the side

I gulped "Think et my phone call now? I need to speak to Ellie and tell her that it looks like I won’t be able to take her travelling for a while," I croaked

He nodded, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a cellphone "Here, use this no one will know The number’s blocked on there anyway" He tossed the expensive looking phone at ht it just in ti this call "Can I make two calls?"

"So long as the other one isn’t to do anything illegal," he joked, winking atin the pit of my stomach "No, I just want to call a friend of o and speak to Ellie, she’s not gonna take this well I don’t think"

He sood girl; if she loves you then she’ll wait for you to get out" He turned and walked out of the door, closing it behind hiroaned I knew his words were right, I knew she would wait forto be the ulped and pressed ainst the cold, hard wood of the table My attorney’s words were playing over and over in irl; if she loves you, she’ll wait for you"

That was the trouble I knew she was a good girl, I knew she’d play the dutiful little girlfriend, waiting patiently forme letters sprayed with her perfuuys - and that was the problem I didn’t want that for her

She was better than that, better than me Someone like Ellie should be treated like a princess, not as a convict’s girlfriend It wasn’t fair of s and be on her own - and it wasn’t fair of me to let her do it I knew she would, without question, still loveup with me was if I told her I didn’t want her anymore

My heart hurt I was torn The selfish part offor o faster because I could count down each day until the next tiet to walk out of there and into her arms I could almost taste it the vision was so sweet But the part ofin the world, refused to let that happen

I knew I had to call her and this was going to be the hardest phone call I’d ever had tome up inside and I wanted to punch myself in punishment She wouldn’t take this well, I already knew that So I’d have to call Ray after and get him to help her understand He’d make her see that she was better than ; at least, that’s what I hoped

Self-pity eighing down on me Why did this have to happen to me? Was I really that bad a person that I had to just keep being punished over and over? What had I done so wrong for kar I’d already been through, noas going back to jail and losing the only thing that was good inmy eyes because I really didn’t want to do this, but I had to

I gulped and dialled her nuet the words out before the ginormous lie choked me I had to do it I loved her tooforboyfriend ould never be good enough for her in ato think that I’d ever be free of this life For the last couple offree of it all and things being different, but that’s all it ishful thinking This is who I was, just a no good waster with drea of the near edon the side Aseyes and looked at the clock 6:23 a tone was just the standard bell phone so I kneasn’t anyone that I had stored in lance at the caller ID confir on my screen