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Eleanor tried one last tiht he’d gone too far
He hadn’t evenAnd he’d been thinking about Eleanor, drea her ht for a second that he’d gone too far, that he’d tripped a wire
And then Eleanor touched him She touched his neck
It’s hard to say why this was different from all the other times she’d touched him She was different She was still and then she wasn’t
She touched his neck, then drew a line down his chest Park wished that he was taller and broader; he hoped she wouldn’t stop
She was so gentle compared to him Maybe she didn’t want him like he wanted her But even if she wanted him half as much …
Eleanor
This is how she touched him in her head
From jaw to neck to shoulder
He was so much warmer than she expected, and harder Like all of his ht on the surface, like his heart was beat-ing just under his T-shirt
She touched Park softly, gingerly, just in case she touched hiainst the door
He felt Eleanor’s hand on his throat, on his chest, then took her other hand and pressed it to his face He made a noise like he was hurt and decided to feel self-conscious about it later
If he was shy now, he wouldn’t get anything that he wanted
Eleanor
Park was alive, and she ake, and this was allowed
He was hers
To have and hold Not forever, uratively But literally And no, he was hers And he wanted her to touch him He was like a cat who pushes its head under your hands
Eleanor brought her hands down Park’s chest with her fingertips apart, then brought theain under his shirt
She did it because she wanted to And because once she started touching him the way she did in her head, it was hard to stop And because
… what if she never had the chance to touch hiers on his stoain He held her to hi Eleanor backward – stu around the coffee table to the couch
Inrooo of each other, so Eleanor fell back, and Park fell against her in the corner of the couch
He wanted to look in her eyes, but it was hard when they were this close ‘Eleanor …’ he whispered
She nodded
‘I love you,’ he said
She looked up at him, her eyes shiny and black, then looked away ‘I know,’ she said
He pulled one of his arainst the couch He could spend all day like this, running his hand down her ribs, into her waist, out to her hps and back again … If he had all day, he would If she weren’t made of so many other miracles
‘You know?’ he repeated She smiled, so he kissed her ‘You’re not the Han Solo in this rela-tionship, you know’
‘I’ood to hear her It was good to remember it was Eleanor under all this new flesh
‘Well, I’ up on gender roles,’
Eleanor said Park ran his hand out to her hip and back again, catching his thumb under her sweater She sed and lifted her chin
He pulled her sweater up farther and, then, without thinking about why, he pulled up his shirt, too, and laid his bare stoainst hers
Eleanor’s face crued
‘You can be Han Solo,’ he said, kissing her throat ‘And I’ll be Boba Fett I’ll cross the sky for you’
Eleanor
Things she kne, that she hadn’t knoo hours ago:
Park was covered with skin Everywhere
And it was all just as smooth and honey-beautiful as the skin on his hands It felt thick and richer in some places, more like crushed velvet than silk But it was all his
And all wonderful
She was also covered with skin And her skin was apparently covered with super-powered nerve endings that hadn’t done a da her whole life, but cas as soon as Park touched her Wherever Park touched her
As embarrassed as she was of her stoether with two safety pins, she wanted Park to touch her more than she could ever feel embarrassed And when he touched her, he didn’t sees Some of them he even liked Like her freckles He said she was candy-sprinkled
She wanted hie of her bra and only dipped his fingers into the back of her jeans – but it wasn’t Eleanor who stopped him She never would When Park touched her, it felt better than anything she’d ever felt in her whole life Ever
And she wanted to feel that way aswas dirty With Park
Nothing could be shameful
Because Park was the sun, and that was the only way Eleanor could think to explain it
Park
Once it started to get dark, he felt like his parents could walk in at any o – and he didn’t want thes and his hand on her hip and his mouth as far as it could reach down the neck of her sweater
He pulled away fro?’ she asked
‘I don’t knohere … My parents should be hoether’
‘Okay,’ she said, and sat up But she looked so bewildered and beautiful that he climbed back on top of her and pushed her all the way down
A half-hour later, he tried again He stood up this ti to the bathroom,’ he said
‘Go,’ she said ‘Don’t look back’
He took a step, then looked back
‘I’ll go,’ she said a few one, Park turned up the voluot them both Cokes and looked at the couch to see if it looked illicit It didn’t seem to
When Eleanor came back, her face et
‘Did you wash your face?’
‘Yeah …’ she said
‘Why?’
‘Because I looked weird’
‘And you thought you could wash it off?’
He gave her the saiven the couch Her lips were swollen, and her eyes seemed wilder than usual But Eleanor’s sweaters were always stretched out, and her hair always looked tangled