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He pushed back ‘ Because It’s your life Because I’ot all these weird barriers set up, like you only want me to have access to this tiny part of you …’

‘Yes,’ she said, crossing her ar you a favor’

‘Don’t,’ he said ‘I can handle it’ He put his thumb between her eyebrows and tried to sht was about keeping secrets’

‘Keeping secrets about your des’

‘Does Richie hate your brothers and sister, too?’

‘Stop saying his na

‘I’m sorry’ Park whispered back

‘He hates everybody, I think’

‘Not your mom’

‘Especially her’

‘Is he mean to her?’

Eleanor rolled her eyes and wiped her cheek with her sweater sleeve ‘Uh Yeah’

Park took her hands again ‘Why doesn’t she leave?’

She shook her head ‘I don’t think she can …

I don’t think there’s enough of her left’

‘Is she scared of him?’ he asked

‘Yeah …’

‘Are you scared of hi kicked out, but are you scared of him?’

‘No’ She lifted up her chin ‘No … I just have to lay low, you know? Like as long as I stay out of his way, I’m fine I just have to be invisible’

Park smiled

‘What?’ she asked

‘You Invisible’

She so of her hands and held her face Her cheeks were cold, and her eyes were fathomless in the dark

She was all he could see

Eventually it was too cold to stay out there Even the insides of their

Eleanor

Richie said Eleanor had to come out of her roo a cold, so at least it didn’t see it all day

Dinner esome Her mom could really cook when she had actual food to ith (So, andwith dill and butter For dessert there was rice pudding and pepper cookies, which her mom only ever made on Christmas

At least that had been the rule back when herThe little kids didn’t knohat they werenow When Eleanor and Ben were little, their mom baked constantly There were always fresh cookies in the kitchen when Eleanor got hos and bacon, or pancakes and sausage, or oatar

Eleanor used to think that that hy she was so fat But look at her now, she was starving all the time, and she was still enormous

They all tore into Christmas dinner like it was their last meal, which it practically was, at least for a while Ben ate both of the turkey legs, and Mouse ate an entire plate of ain, so he was all kinds of festive at dinner – laughing too much and too loud But you couldn’t enjoy the fact that he was in a good ood e of a bad one They were all waiting for him to cross over …

Which he did, as soon as he realized there was no pu his spoon in the ris ala ,’ Ben said, stupid with turkey

‘I know it’s pudding,’ Richie said ‘Where’s the pumpkin pie, Sabrina?’ he shouted into the kitchen ‘I told you to ave you money for a real Christmas dinner’

Her mother stood in the doorway to the kitchen She still hadn’t sat down to eat ‘It’s …’

It’s a traditional Danish Christrandrandmother made it, and it’s better than puot to buy pu pu the stainless-steel bowl of rice pudding It hit the wall near her mother and sprayed weepy chunks everywhere

Everyone but Richie stayed still

He stood up unsteadily froo buy so Christmas dinner’

He walked to the back door

As soon as they heard his truck tear out, Eleanor’s , then ski on the floor

‘Who wants cherry sauce?’ she said

They all did

Eleanor cleaned up the rest of the pudding, and Ben turned on the TV They watched The Grinch and Frosty the Snowman, and A Christmas Carol

Their mom even sat down to watch with them

Eleanor couldn’t help but think that if the Ghost of Christusted with their whole situation But Eleanor felt full and happy when she fell asleep

CHAPTER 34

Eleanor

Park’s mom didn’t seem surprised to see Eleanor the next day He

‘Eleanor,’ his mom said extra nicely, ‘Merry Christ roootten out of the shohich was e for some reason His hair et and his T-shirt was kind of sticking to him He was really happy to see her That was obvious

(And nice)

She didn’t knohat to do with his present, so when he walked over to her, she shoved it at him He smiled, surprised ‘This is forfunny to say ‘Yeah, it’s for you’

‘You didn’t have to get ’

‘I didn’t Really’

‘Can I open it?’

She still couldn’t think of anything funny, so she nodded At least his fa them

The present rapped in stationery

Eleanor’s favorite stationery, watercolor paintings of fairies and flowers

Park peeled off the paper carefully and looked at the book It was The Catcher in the Rye A really old edition Eleanor had decided to leave the dust jacket on because it was neat-looking, even though it still had a thrift-shop price scrawled on the front with grease pencil

‘I know it’s pretentious,’ she said ‘I was going to give you Watership Down, but that’s about rabbits, and not everybody wants to read about rabbits …’