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CHAPTER ONE
Nix
Ten Months Later
"Kadence, did you hear me?" I stop at the threshold of our kitchen and watch ashair sits disheveled on top of her head; knots and frizz hidden by the quick up do Long gone is the happy, carefree woman who nearly knocked me on my ass with just a smile that afternoon in my son’s classroom
"Huh?" She looks up fro mine, but it’s like they don’t lock Void of any ehhere for five o to the club" I repeat my first statement and walk toward her
"W-what?" She shakes her head out of the fog she seeoin’ doith one of Beau’s girls I have to sort it out," I lie to her, stopping at the counter to give her time to process
"You can’t leave!" Her voice quivers as she drops the cup she’s been cleaning for five solid minutes and wipes her hands down the front of one of a pants "Harloill be awake soon, Nix" Her eyes flash with panic and her voice fills with distress Just like every other ti left alone I don’t knohen it began, when our perfectly constructed life started to fall around us, but over the last seven weeks, so I wasn’t prepared for
"You’ll be fine, baby We talked about this," I try to reason with her, but I know no matter what I say, it won’t make a difference; it never does Kadence will freak She’ll break and then she will act like everything is fine The sooner I get this done, the better
"Nix, I can’t" Her shaky voice al; this is the plan "You can’t leave me alone with her What if she cries and doesn’t…" she trails off, her eyes growing large as she concocts some fucked-up shit in her head "Oh, God, don’t do this to me I need you Don’t leaveto my leather cut I see the shake in them before she touches ainst her My wife is so fucking lost--lost in her oorld of hopelessness I don’t even kno I can help
"Z is here You’ll be fine" I try to reassure her with the news that she won’t be alone entirely I know Z is only eleven, he should be doing what other kids his age are doing, but leaving him home will make it easier on me, on all of us
"But Z can’t help ?" Even the way she asks that question hasHow could she think she will fuck this up?
Taking her shoulders in et in her face and lock ot this, babe I’ll be thirtyher reaction carefully I know this situation is fucked I’ve been living it the last seven weeks, but asis okay, I can’t I won’t tell her that, because it’s not She’s not okay We’re not okay The longer I try to step around the issues, the longer it’s going to take for her to see that so I need ut when she smiles at me I don’t knohere or when I lost her, but the Kadence I know doesn’t live here anymore
She looks up at me, disoriented Her innocent eyes, bewildered, like I’ her on the hardest uts me Where is the woman who took me by the balls and pute her and her scars? The proud woman I fell in love with is a shell of a woman, and like the coward I am, I don’t know if I can bear to look at her anymore
"Thirtymy lips to hers Unlike in the past, when her body would mold into mine and her lips would accept me, I’m met with thin, lifeless lips instead of the softness I once knew The hardness of her kiss leavesto soothe the concern that builds inside of me daily It does the opposite and proves to me that every one of my concerns are warranted
"If you loved rip and it’s then I realize that if I’ to leave, I have to do it now
"But I do, Kadence I fuckin’ love you more than anythin’"
"Then don’t leave"
"Ad she would open up to someone, to anyone
"Just leave" She pushes at my chest and I feel like a sorry excuse for a husband A fucking failure who can’t even bring his oife happiness anyo," I continue to lie I don’t have any shit going down in the club In fact, life has been fucking great with the club If only I could say the sa, no idea if I’ I want to do is push her away, but the wo a search and rescue party as we speak
"I have my cell" I turn when she doesn’t reply and I force myself not to look back into her eyes I can’t let her deter me I walk out of the kitchen and find Z in the front of the TV