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CHAPTER 1

The sound of the door wakesthe silence enough to causeto decipher what has awoken me The rooht to filter through the curtains Then the door clicks into place, and I stiffen

I hear the gentle slap of bare feet, and then there is weight on the bed, theon my blankets, a breeze as the fabric is lifted fro an arhtly My body slides easily across the fine sheets, ‘til I aainst his His skin is so warhtly, a hold that wraps ainst my neck, and he burrows his face into my hair "I’m sorry"

His whispered voice is so thick, so full of emotion and need It matches the need in my heart I need this so bad I need to be held, be protected, be e a soft kiss there before continuing "I just … I couldn’t go to sleep without touching you"

I arch against hihter into the curves of his He reacts, his hands traveling, turning, and gripping le place on our bodies that is unconnected There is nothing for me to say--no words for what is a terrible idea Words will only ruin this ht, and I can’t think about e are doing I knohat I need I knohat I want And right now, in this one quietand tugging to keepa desperation in them that matches my own Then his eyes drop to er for id exterior But here, in the privacy of my bedroom, with Nathan’s room only three or four walls away he releases it; a stor in its si hiswrapping aroundhim is so different than Nathan Nathan and I have emotional expression in our kisses, our lips able to communicate in ways that ill never be able to verbally Drew’s kiss is so different His eyes, hisI need to know His kiss isthis sweet, needythe kerosene of passion onto it It starts off slow, the need of us both flickering in our half-asleep states But it continues, his handsat the silk of my camisole until it is over my head and I am half nad before him Heinto each other’s hair, tugging and pulling Then I aainst skin as s and off s,ed arousal heavy in his eyes And there before ht, I can’t help but compare them

He is rugged where Nathan is finely cut, scruffy where Nathan is sh to be professional but long enough to grip in my hand and pull His chest is covered in a thin layer of dark hair where Nathan’s is smooth, his abs thicker where Nathan’s are thinner, his build stronger, evidencing his strength

I love the look of hter skin against his darker, delicate feet againstmy feet into his pectoral s, pressing gently out as heas le before hiently touches the silken hair that isalonghis hands tobut me My face burns, and I propthe words Then I see hihtly, the view so carnal I al downthe skin on either side ofthe lips, his war every lances up, his eyes black with need "God, I needed this," he groans, lowering his hotat the shock of his hot, wet htly overin perfect coordination to bring all of my senses to that spot

My back hits the sheets,fabric, the surrender of my body to hi so--without instruction--just how gently to sweep over my clit, just how to draw me into his ue That look on his face, before he buries his ives an ice-cold beer Ravenous need And it is obvious, fro below, that he loves what he is doing It is so that I will do with hi, the swell of pleasure interruptingwithin a halfup the hill, s fro beneath his ainstpoint--a point he somehow instinctively knows As I fall down that hill of pleasure, his tongue gently carriesimperceptibly, until I sink into a sea of perfect, post-coital bliss,on my limbs, their loose and pliable s, liftsthe soft weight of a down co to follow hish of relief leaves me when I feel the blanket lift, feel his heat settle in behindto take care of hiing those way-too-sexy sweatpants off his hard, htly acrosssleep to me quickly

I don’t wake, three hours later, when he leaves lass house and his portion of it I don’t notice whenroutine and--for the first ti call

I open ainst the vaulted rafters I have not prepared for hi schedule one that did not includeof my end

CHAPTER 2

I feel like I a added, the flavor and consistency changing with each new addition

My first week I was athe them to create the Jenny which was desired

Elation was introduced the second week,was so new, so fancy, the feel of shiny plastic in

The third week the elation had diluted, more shots of boredo the new flavor of inquisitiveness

Week four added a spike of punish , very soon Despair is a drink best served never

And now, in week five, I taste the familiar flavor of nerves Fear of punishret uilt