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And I still have the Cay I can build back my US funds It’ll take a year,millions out offor information on Mike Find out his address and full naht to his door Then, depending on what I find, I can either hug theon er comes back wet Wet My eye teared up I stare at it in surprise Blink rapidly and dare my body to produce more weakness

I eat a roasted turkey breast and mashed potatoes boxed dinner Drink water and check e- froy with a treasurebadNothing except twenty-two client e-e proposals I distractanxiety and return them all, most with template letters I keep saved on my desktop Thirty minutes Twenty-two letters I’m still jittery when I finish

I use the restroon my toilet paper pyra has alorked to distractfor strangers when I only want to knohat has happened to Mike

I hate him

I’m scared for him

The seesaeen the till drive me mad

CHAPTER 77

UNLESS MIKE IS co today Thursday Two days that Mike’s sat here, his head against the iron frame of his bed, his wrists handcuffed out like he’s Jesus Two days without food or water If only that fucker had co hi Thank God he hadn’t coht not have made it--two days are about all his weak ht, he couldn’t sleep Could have shispers fro with holiday hell The chorus is chanting through, his daht in his head drowning in its words Jas him back, wakes his conscious up from the slippery slope of death His ether, crude grit in the edges of his eyes Trying to s, to call out, there is no spare saliva, and she wouldn’t hear hih the duct tape anyway He feels drained, like he has sat under a heat lamp until every pore in his body is dried into a dead leaf that will cruain, a firm pound on the front door, and he can picture her, a hip cocked, hands weighed doith groceries, a frustrated breath blowing a curl of red hair out of her eyes

She doesn’t have a key, a past decision he now curses But his sexual needs are frequent Should she decide to pop by unannounced, he didn’t want her walking into a fuckfest Plus, he’s not an invalid And she’s not a nurse She’s a friend--one that is paid One who saves hi to battle the inconveniences of the outside world Those inconveniences, the hassle of getting a chair in a vehicle, over a curb, through a crowded restaurant--those are why he just stays here And… fuck The stares The looks of pity He left all that behind Online, no one knows that shit Online, he is a god Online, he is the man he was always meant to be The rown into

He can hear her She calls his naood He strains to hearThen he hears the incredible sound of the bedroo to reveal one frizzy head She looks the wrong way first, toward his computer, then turns her head back, toward the bed, and freezes Their eyes lock, and if there was a way to s half the skin off his lips, he would

"Shit" The word a hiss She shoves herself forward, through the lo, and lands in an uncoordinated heap of legs, ar out, and he hears the crack of glass as there is an aard collision It is one of the s herself to her feet, rushes to hie of the tape There is no notice of pain, only the feel of her soft touch, the concern in her eyes, the warmth of possibility that he will live As soon as his ue as he licks his lips and speaks "Water" She reaches for the water bottle on the bedside table The one that he’s stared at for days, just far enough from reach to literally drive him insane