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CHAPTER ONE

I HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF WHO I AM the first week at the new school Not, like, I lostI knoho I ah my head:

You are Mark Ja tripsa precalc classroouy everyone at your old school looked up to These idiots will learn

And Wednesday when so and forces ym clothes for the last two periods

You are Mark James, all-conference quarterback They’re just jealous

And at lunch on Thursday when I sit on the tailgate ofan oversize Styrofoa what I think is "ass pirate"

You are Mark Jah Pirates ever saw

If soo whatlike "Mark James, Ohio State star quarterback" Maybe if I’d had a beer or two I’d go so far as to say, "Mark James, first-round NFL draft pick"

What I wouldn’t have said--what I couldn’t have even i remotely close to "Mark James, survivor of an alien attack"

For my entire life, the future seemed set for me As soon as I threw h QB, college football star, NFL hopeful But now the future is this stupid, dark thing I can’t predict, and I feel likethat doesn’t even ht not even exist if we end up conquered by a bunch of superpowered aliens I mean, adorian A bunch of pale, janky-looking assholes fro for a very hu alien named John Smith--ha--and his invisible friend Then they destroyeduess I should count myself lucky, but I don’t feel lucky I feel like someone who’s just found out that vaa on as usual, but the world has changed for me

There are only a few people who knohat really happened at Paradise High Everyone thinks the school’s in shambles because weirdo-drifter/new student John Sh the principal’sone day, then cae that took out half the building Then he fled town Word is that he’s soe terrorist or member of a sleeper cell or a psychopath--it depends on who is telling the story

But one exploding school can’t stand in the way of education, so now everyone fro shipped to the next town over where there’s an actual building for us to go to It just so happens that the next school over is Helena High, our biggest rival, who I beat in the best football ga off an undefeated season by couess I can see why I’ht I’d spend e soda out of my hair Maybe if I was still the same old Mark Ja up ways to get back at the other students, ways for h But filling soh on s fro us and that a complete alien invasion is possible at any tiher on otten quiet and seem different since it happened, but I can’t help it It’s kind of pointless to talk about cars and partying when I was literally almost squashed by soo back to being fun-loving, beer-chugging Mark Ja to Hunt Me Down" Mark James

I can deal with the new school Hell, I probably deserve it for the shit I put people like John through back in Paradise It’s only a seraduated Maybe they’ll even be able to fix up the school auditoriue in Paradise What sucks is that I can’t tell everyone what’s going on They’d throw me in a s--would be after me to try and shut me up

At least I have Sarah to talk to She was there She fought withI have Sarah, I don’t feel like I’o crazy

CHAPTER TWO

THERE ARE BIG SCHOOL BUSES SHUTTLING KIDS back and forth between Helena and Paradise, but I was able to talk the principal into letting me drive myself I told him I wanted to stay late and work out--that I didn’t hat happened in Paradise to keep e footballpartly because he hopes anything I do in the future will ood, and partly because everyone in town still feels kind of bad for me because I threw a party and some kids accidentally burned downto do with aliens At least, I’ve made sure to tell everyone who insinuates that John blew up my house that it was really a couple of stoners down in the base stuff on fire for fun That usually shuts people up--especially adults who like to pretend that stuff like that never happens in good old Paradise Besides, John saved Sarah and both of s There’s a YouTube video to prove it No one should be giving hiets a free pass on that one