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"It scared me," I admit, and hope it’s a plausible explanation for why I’m so messed up because I’m not sure he’d believe that I like her and I’m not sure how I feel about it myself

"Scared me, too Each and every time it happens, it scares the shit out of me" Honesty is etched over his face

"I have a hard ti I meanyou’re you"

He’s a lot like his father, Cyrus He’s big and he’s strong and basically has an entire army of scary uns at his disposal

"I’s and all of the the people I love" He pauses "I learned a long ti I can’t control death Soet to watch everyone I love slip through ers"

He wanted me Olivia said he wanted me I opento, if Mom is, but I snap it shut I don’t kno to ask without divulging that Olivia is sharing secrets with me and I can’t take the respect Eli has for her away over "

"No, you were going to say so, what?"

My mind is completely blank What can I say? What should I say? "I don’t like pulled pork I don’t like any pork actually It’s tough and it’s stringy and it’s a pig andwellpigs gross me out Which means I don’t like bacon either, soyeahthat’s it"

Eli blinks as he tries to understand any of the hot mess that just fell out of my mouth He pulls on his earlobe and his face contorts as if he’s trying not to laugh "You ate an entire pulled pork sandwich in Nashville"

I did "You were superexcited about s I feel like that’s all I do--hurt you I don’t want to, but I do Even when I’ to, it still happens"

"Emily" He lowers his head so that we’re eye to eye "You don’t hurt me"

"Yeah, I do Every time I look at you, I see that you’re in pain"

He shakes his head "You don’t cause that It’s so I did to myself But thank you"

My forehead furrows "For what?"

"For tellingabout you" And he leaves off how he didn’t have to ask a million questions to learn it or how he appreciates how honest I was Hating pork, it’s simple really, but to Eli, it seems like a lot

Crap, now I really feel bad I’ve been here over a month, I’ve known him for seven years and pulled pork is the first real truth he knows about me Eli and Imaybe we also need time