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Before the door closes, Oz’s dad is up and then the rest of the board abandon their seats and follow my father It’s a show of support, a show of solidarity, and it’s not a show meant to praise me I disrespected a brother, so therefore I disrespected them

There’s a chain of cos are done A respect thatorder that’s been created I’ve had a hard time with it for the saroup of friends I find it challenging to follow asto lead That’s why, as the board told est prospect period of anyone else in the club I’m too unpredictable

The door shuts and there’s two of us left in the room--me and Eli

Eli’s eyes flicker from me to my seat This time, I listen to his nonverbal request and sit If only because the weight of what just happened is crashing down around me "I want an answer"

I need an answer

Eli threads his fingers together and rests thereed to join this club Yeah, we had to vote you in, but you had to accept You chose to be a part of this brotherhood You chose to believe in this fa?"

He’s questioning my loyalty, and maybe he should "This is my family"

"I know, and, Razor, you’reis full of ue bullshit you pull when the wind blows east instead of west, it’s got to stop You’re either with us or not You either believe us or don’t If you can’t trust us, we can’t trust you There is nothing more this board wants than to trust you, but to be honest, we don’t We voted you in because we know you love us, but atch you ary eyes We don’t knohat shit you’re going to pull next"

When I was ten years old, it was Eli who came to me at Cyrus and Olivia’s before the sun had risen Oz, Chevy and Violet had crammed themselves into the tiny twin bed I used whenever I stayed the night and each of the a hu

The three of them fell asleep, but I never slept a wink When Eli walked into the room, he saw the four of us and lowered his head Eli looked like the living dead himself, and when he ed every thought, every emotion, every moment of my life "I’m sorry"

So was I He didn’t have to tell me why Mom never arrived to take me home I heard it in his tone Noticed it in his eyes My mother was dead

"That detective," Eli continues now, "showed to fuck with your mind You’re se a wall between us and you Don’t let him destroy you and your dad"

We all have choices to make; what lies we accept to believe Since I was ten, I loved this fa the lie that had been told to me--that Mom’s death was an accident