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It has been four days since the accident Four days to reflect on what could have been, what ht have been What was Four days to think about all the ways I should have lived my life differently And all the ways he could have lived his differently, too

My dad reaches frohtly He’s more likely to touch me now than he used to be He’s more likely to show affection and tellthat has been lost, and he doesn’t want to ain Mycare of important business, she said

The preacher drones on, and I tune hihtly as the casket is carried froraveside service It’s enough that we’re paying our respects here We file out of the church, and I look into a wounded mother’s eyes "I’m so sorry for your loss," I say

"Thank you," she replies But it’s by rote She’s dead behind the eyes, and I wonder if she’ll ever find that piece of herself that she lost with her son Ricardo Santiago was driving the car that night He was an eighteen-year-old boy as on his way home from the library He was on the street and didn’t see the black ice that turned the road into a skating rink He didn’t see it until he lost control of the car He hit Logan dead-on, and the car clippedDad’s on crutches with a bad sprain, but he’ll heal Ricardo died on iuely re Ricardo’s mother at the hospital after the accident I remember how they told her about his al roo that news Our news didn’t coood

"I’m sorry for your loss," I say to the next person in line, and I shake his hand Ricardo’s entire family is here He had three brothers and two sisters His father is a wealthy attorney in the city I re thatme ever since this happened They won’t leave my side When I sleep, one of them throws a blanket over o to the bathroom, one of the I aan

Logan

There’s not a place on le my toe and try to lift ht ahead It hurts too fking ht Shapes move in front of my face, but they’re too blurry I can’t ain and drift back into the darkness I welcome it because where there is darkness there is no pain

Emily

Someone shakes my arm "Em," a soft voice says Then more insistently, "Emily!"

I brush the noise away like cobwebs from my face, but it doesn’t stop

"Emily, wake the fk up"

I blink my eyes open to find Matt in front of

I brush my hair back from my forehead "What?" I still can’t think

"He just iddy He pulls the blanket offme to my feet "Go talk to hi turns staying with me at the hospital Only two people can be in the room at a time, and I won’t leave Paul, Matt, and Sa care of Hayley, and one of thee of the bed and look down at Logan’s prone forone I look down, and I see the tiniest flutter of Logan’s lashes "Logan!" I cry It’s stupid, I know, since he can’t hear e of the bed and take his hand in les His eyes are closed, though, and he’s still Too still

A doctor runs into the rooht in his face He flinches I see it

"Is he going to wake up?" I ask I holdfor the answer

The doctor’s mouth pinches into a thin line "Maybe"

Maybe That’s the only word I need to hear for hope to bloom within me I step back, out of the doctor’s way The nurse takes e of the rooain "I called Paul and Saan He an suffered a terrible head injury He had to have surgery to relieve the pressure in his brain, and he had soht leg is broken They set it, and he’s in a cast Bruises cover most of his body

I look at Matt, and his eyes are filled with the saht, isn’t he?" I ask

He nods and pulls me into his chest "Of course, he is," he breathes He bends his head and sniffsup, do you think you could take a fking shower? You stink"

I shove back from him "I do not"

"You look like shit, Em," he jokes He tousles my hair, and I don’t care I do look like shit I lift an like this

A few minutes later, Paul and Sa that has s in it

"Thank God," Matt teases He turns me toward the bathroo up to you looking like that"

I nod "Okay"

Sam sniffs me as I walk by hirouse

He grimaces "You kind of do"

"Fine!" I say "I’ll shower" I point er at the three of them "Then I’ll make you all sorry"

"I’ll be sorry if you don’t shower," Paul o into the bathrooan’s room I don’t need much, but I do need to wash off the funk accuet dressed quickly and brush outdown at Logan Matt’sin prayer, but I can’t quite hear him