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I blink away moisture and clear my throat "So I went to the box under the bed--the du loaded And I walked back to the living room and pointed it at him It wasn’t heavy; my hands didn’t shake at all But when I cocked it, the sound it ht away--froze He knew exactly what that sound was He turned around, slowly, and I kept it aiet away fro would have"

At so circles on my chest, ives uess it’s true what they say about cowards They only prey on easy targets, the ones who don’t fight back Because he left and didn’t come back"

For a moment, the only noise in the roo in time Then Chelsea says with admiration, "That’s why you do what you do"

"What do you mean?"

"You’re a defender You defend people Like you defended your ave them a chance, to have a new start"

My eyes squeeze shut "Most people don’t see it that way, Chelsea"

Her warm hand cups my jaw "I see it that way"

The look on her face is everything I want it to be Gentle, adoring--like I’ selfish I want to roll us over, peel her clothes off, and eradicate any chance she’ll ever look at et to keep her

But ugly truth always comes out eventually And she deserves to hear it from me

"Today I defended ahand stutters Stops

"His wifeshe’s stayed with hi he dished out--and she finally got the courage to leave To tell hi "And I took that away from her

"He hurts her--I know he does--and because ofher" I look into her eyes, hoping that in them I’ll find an answer I can live with "He’s a monster, Chelsea, and I defended him What does thatbird who’s only just realized it’s in a cage She searches my facesearches for the words to say

In that quietly confident voice she tries, "Jakesorip her arood man, it wouldn’t be a hard choice Sohtthey should be easy"

Sos I want I want her--this fearless, stunning wo children--whom she loves with every inch of her soul I want them to be mine Mine to hold, hter, their love I want to come home to it, bask in it, be the reason for it

But even more than that, I want to deserve them

To be worthy

And all today did was point out the stark, cold factthat I’m not

"I shouldn’t even be here," I tell her, ht thing is, and who does it I wantChrist, I want to be that for you"

Wordlessly, Chelsea slides out of uide ainst her breast

She’s soft and warood She whispers tothrough my hair And there is nowhere else in the entire world I would rather be