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We don’t talk again after that But I discreetly keep tabs on Kennedy the rest of the afternoon--where she’s standing, who she chats with Tension prickles , but when I find her again, relief detonates inti, where she anted so fucking badly to see her--the way an alcoholic craves just one more taste
It wasn’t easy, but eventually I went cold turkey, gave up on her co are lost causes So, as good as it is to be able to watch her now, I’on just yet
"I don’t want to go, Mo to dig his heels into the grass
Because Katherine just told her kids it’s getting late--time to head home
Annie adds her own plaintive wail "I wants da fireworks"
I step up beside onna miss the fireworks, Mommy!" Jonathon yells
"Settle down, little ht We only have them on New Year’s Eve"
Every year, e, formal New Year’s Eve party--they have since before I was born There’s tuxedos and gowns, dancing, fountains of chaht up the sky and bathe the Poto kids in the family, like Jonathon and Annie, aren’t allowed to stay at the party all night They’re sent to bed in one of the dozens of upstairs rooht But Jonathon and Annie obviously know about the fireworks They probably slip out of bed and watch the show through theThat’s what I did every year, when I was their age
Only--I didn’t watch froo first," I tell Kennedy at the base of the ladder "So I can open the hatch"
Even though we’re both nine, she’s a lot sone up to the roof--and I’o first There could be rabid birds up there, or bats
We’re in the big attic, where trunks, old books, paintings, and plastic-wrapped dresses get stored It’s dark and dusty, with shadowed corners that look like they’reKennedy loves it up here
"Co to start soon," I tell her "We’ll come back here tomorrow"
Her eyes are still wide behind her thick-lensed, yellow-fraazes around the rooht"
I head up the ladder and push open the access door in the ceiling Then I clirabs it as she cli on the flat peak of my house Sometimes Kennedy calls it a castle--Mason Castle--because of the ballroo They don’t have a ballroom, but they have a home movie theater, which is a thousand tih h to see every breath The sky is a black blanket above us, and the stars are so bright, it feels like I could reach up and grab one--as easily as picking an apple off a tree Kennedy spins in quick circles, her long brown hair fanning out "You were right--this is the best!"