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Because I wanted love when I knew I didn’t deserve it

And now, I’ll never deserve it

I aon who ate the saddest princess

My thoughts are rudely interrupted by Gran’s finger flickingDon’t go down that road That’s arrogant You think too much of yourself, and your effect on people If she went and killed herself she did it because her life was es, not because you did one little thing"

"But I contributed I –"

Gran leans back in her bed and huffs, pulling the cover over her "I’ue with you when you’re all wrapped up in self-pity, you hear? Coranddaughter, not a silly o quiet Gran hs

"I’ it harder on yourself" She leans up and kisses hts the fire then"

A ss at old-white gibbousthe horizon The same color as Sophia’s hair I hear her voice clearly in my head

‘You tried to help You tried to help, and for that I can never thank you enough’

I drive back to the nursing home at nine, and Gran and I park our butts in lawn chairs, with sunglasses and lemonade, and wait for nine o’ clock

And nine coes and blues and greens incinerating the clouds Gran laughs and toasts the sky – toasts her dead friend I lean back in the chair and sood to be alive

-4-

3 Years

44 Weeks

6 Days

Sometimes when life kicks you in the ass, you have to kick it back

In the nuts

With steel-toed boots

Essentially, if soh-road and not kick them back But it’s not fun And I’m all about fun One hundred percent fun One fundred percent

I s across the breakfast table is the only indication that I’ve been thinking out loud for the past five otta go," I stand up quickly from my chair The twins pelt each other with oatmeal

"You’ll sit down and eat your breakfast with the rest of us, Isis, or so help ?" Kelly interrupts hiht up at the prospect Dad’s darken

"Isis, your ticket doesn’t have you going back until the 30th –"

"Dad," I whine "My friend died and I gotta go kick life in the nuts"