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"Any idea where they one?" Theo asked

Finn had balled up his shirt to douse it in the trough and iping down his chest and ar A jenny, too" He cocked his head, shifting his eyes to Rey, then back to Theo, as if to say, Here’s a theory "They could still be out on the turbines Zander likes to play it close sometimes"

Zander Phillips was the Station Chief He wasn’t much to talk to, or look at, for that matter All that time out in the sun and wind had dried hiruff to the point of silence It was said that nobody had ever heard him say so ain "Look, I don’t know Ask hiets back"

"Who else is down here?"

"Just Caleb"

Theo moved out of the shadow of the livery, to face the turbine field The sun had just begun its dip behind the mountain; soon its shadoould stretch clear across the valley to the foothills on the far side When that happened, there was no question: they’d have to seal the hatch Caleb Jones was just a kid, barely fifteen; everyone called hiot half a hand," Theo said finally Everyone knew this, but still it needed to be said He looked at each of their party in turn, a quick glance to verify that his et the animals inside"

They led the animals down the raht By the time they finished, the sun had dropped behind the mountain Peter left Arlo and Alicia in the control rooate, scanning the turbine field with his binoculars Peter felt the first flickering chill of night across his arms, on the sun-baked skin at the back of his neck Hisof dust and horses

"How long do ait?"

Theo didn’t answer The question was rhetorical, just words to fill the silence So had happened, or Zander and Caleb would have been back by now Peter was also thinking of their father, as he believed Theo was as well: Deone into the turbine field without a trace, headed out on the Eastern Road How long had they waited that night to close the hatch on De and turned to find Alicia striding in their direction froaze across the darkening field They stood without speaking for another ht march down the valley As the mountain’s shadow touched the foothills on the far side, Alicia drew a blade and wiped it on the hem of her jersey

"I hate to say it-"

"You don’t have to" Theo turned to face the two of them "Okay, we’re done here Let’s lock it up"

The day-to-day That was the ter neither of a past that was too ht never happen Ninety-four souls under the lights, living in the day-to-day

Yet it was not always so for Peter In idlein his bunk waiting for sleep to coh there were those in the Colony who still spoke of heaven-a place, beyond physical existence, where the soul went after death-the idea had never made sense to him The world was the world, a realm of the senses that could be touched and tasted and felt, and it seemed to Peter that the dead, if they went anywhere at all, would pass into the living Perhaps it was so Teacher had told hi as he could recall, since he had come out of the Sanctuary and learned the truth of the world, he had believed this to be so As long as he could hold his parents in his o on; and when he himself should die, these , so that in this manner, all of theone before and those ould coer envision his parents’ faces This had been the first thing to go, leaving hiht of the felt-a wash of reh him like water The milky sound of his mother’s voice and the look of her hands, pale and fine-boned but strong too, as she went about her work in the Infir what comforts she could; the creak of his father’s boots ascending the ladder of the catwalk on a night when Peter was running between the posts, and the way he had passed beside hi Peter only with a hand on his shoulder; the heat and energy of the living roo Rides, when his father and uncle and the other ather to plan their routes, and later, the sounds of their voices as they drank shine on the porch well into the night, telling the stories of all they’d seen in the Darklands

That hat Peter had wanted: to feel hi Rides And yet he had always known this would never happen Listening from his bed to the voices on the porch, their richwas ; he wasn’t sure it had a naiving it up, though these were a part of it The only word that ca Rides possessed And when the time came for one of the Jaxon boys to join them, Peter kneould be Theo whoate He would be left behind

His mother had known it about him too His race and then his final ride, everyone knowing but never daring to utter the truth; his mother, who, in the end, even when the cancer had taken everything else frole ill word of their father for leaving them He’s in his own ti and blazing with heat, when she’d taken to her bed Theo was Full Watch by this tih that was soon to follow; the duty of their h the days and nights, helping her eat and dress and even bathe, an aard intimacy they both endured because it was sione to the Infirs were usually done But his mother was First Nurse, and if Prudence Jaxon wanted to die at ho to tell her otherwise

Whenever Peter recalled that suhts, it seemed a period of his life from which he had never completely departed It reminded him of a story Teacher had told the a wall; each time the turtlethat he would never reach his destination That was how it felt to Peter, watching his mother die For three days she had drifted in and out of a feverish sleep, speaking hardly a word, answering only the simplest questions required for her care She would take a few sips of water, but that was all Sandy Chou, the nurse on duty, had been to visit that afternoon, and told Peter to be ready The rooht of the spots filtered into dappled shadow by the tree that stood beyond theA sheen of sweat gleamed on her pale brow; her hands-the hands that Peter had watched for hours in the Infir about their careful work-lay htfall Peter hadn’t set foot fro that she would awaken to find herself alone That she was close to death, within hours, Peter knew; Sandy had made this clear But it was the stillness of her hands where they rested on the blankets, all their patient labors ended, that told hihten her, to hear him say the word? And ould fill the silence that came after? There had been no chance to do this with his father; in many ways, that had been the worst of it He had simply slipped away, into oblivion What would Peter have said to his father if he’d had the chance? A selfish wish, but still he thought it: Choose o, choose ined it, the sun was co on the porch, just the two of the the cover open with his thuain, as was his habit-and yet the scene did not conclude Never had he iht have answered

Now here was his ; if death was a roo at the threshold; and yet Peter could not find the words to tell her how he felt-that he loved her and would one In their family, it had always been true that Peter was hers, as Theo’s was their father’s Nothing was ever said about this; it was sies, and at least one baby that was born early with soht this baby was a girl It had happened when Peter was just a Little himself, still in the Sanctuary, so he didn’t really know So perhaps that was theinside him, but inside her-and the reason that he had always felt his mother’s love so fiercely He was the one she would keep

The first soft light of e, catching in her chest like a hiccup For a terrible instant he believed the moment had co her hand Mama, I’m here