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And I’ to understand what it is they want from us

After all, I’ apart I understand better than Tarver what an agony it is to be so trapped

I can’t keep this up It’s harder and harder to focus I can’t help but iine that their pain is like my own, trapped as they are between life and death, unable to reach past their own torh that door it will be all I can do to use whatever’s there to power the distress signal, and not succuive them what I know they want

Because while that tiny part of me wants him, and only him, the rest ofthe day, at night, while we eat, he watchesto get my attention

"Lilac, you okay?"

My spoon is indinner, and a bowl of rehydrated stew sits in front of otten

I stare at him, blank, confused

"Lilac?" His voice is softer, his brows furrow His left hand twitches where it rests against the table, as though it ulf between us and takeat me, bewildered "It’s your name, what else should I call you?"

"I don’t care But you can’t call me that I’ives way to anger, hurt, confusion His voice is ragged "You’re you You have your memories, your voice, your eyes, the way you speak I don’t care how it happened, you’re you You tell me what the difference is"

Breathe I force myself to watch him Lilac would’ve looked away Soo to hi him like this

"The difference is that she’s dead"

I can see hie to shout The urge to give up, just for a little I will him to let the latter win, let us both rest Just for a little

"You’re you," he repeats, his eyes full of grief "You’re the saed through forests and over h a shipwreck full of bodies to save irl I loved, and I love you now"

Stop Stop No more Please

My throat seizes