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I knoith utter certainty that if I let round beside her, I’ll stay there forever The lessons they’ve drilled into er toaround the clearing for so--that will tellout Time must have passed I don’t re here No protocol, no notification, no debriefing, no--anything Just , Lilac at , one wall bloard, debris scattered andboard, the forest beyond utterly silent The tiny details of the scene clogI can’t understand

I try again to push past the great wall of resistance in

Lilac took shrapnel Lilac bled out

Nothing I can say it to myself, I can push the words around in my mind, but there’s not even a twitch of a response They’re just words Stupid, inore them

I try again, so at a scab

Lilac won’t talk to ain I won’t hear her laugh

My lungs constrict

Why arieve I’ve seen death before I’ve seen it at close quarters, felt the heat of it on my skin I’ve seen it froence reports I’ve seen whole platoons die, too fully understand

I’ve seen my friends die, witnessed their final es to loved ones they never truly believed they’d leave

When it was Alec, my mother needed me, and so I refused to succurapple hat had happened Soul of a poet, she always said But I worked through it quietly, holding the grief inside s In the field, it was sierous You shut it away, mourned later, silently

This is different This is deafening, consu There is no next task There are no other soldiers to see to No parents who needout across her shirt, even with her heartbeat stopped Her skin, still warm, eyes open, face slack

This is beyond comprehension This is too , if sorand total of ten seconds out here byhappened to me, you’d be just fine

I answered her I re but fine