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My eyes sting and the red and yellow handle of the screwdriver blurs Not yet Hold it together I turn the tool over and over in my hands

"Si station, but due to soht, he was shipped out to the front lines with a bunch of soldiers who’d been training for a year By the tih all the red tape and found out where he was, he was already dead" And I should have known better

Tarver keeps true to his word, not speaking, not evenI s, suddenly uncertain Will he understand why I’alaxy knows, outside of e I know that I accept that" My voice cracks a little and I lick ’s free It comes with a price I accept that, too My father has expectations about where I’ll spend my time, the company I’ll keep, the connections I’ll make to advance his interests He always says that our name was hard won, and required sacrifice and work to et anywhere in this world But solance at hi where he was, his face shut down, as impassive and unreadable as I’ve ever seen it I crumble a little, despite my resolve This isn’t just about how he sees o

It’s about how he thinks I see hilove, do you really think I didn’t knoho you were?" My fingers close around the handle of the screwdriver like it’s a lifeline "You were a hero, all over the news vids I kneho your family was, that you were a scholarship case, all of it I knew exactly who you were I just--forgot, for a few seconds, who I was Because I wanted to talk to you Because you didn’t look at me like I was Lilac LaRoux

"So yes, I was cruel afterward I’et a man to lose interest, and trust htsure my tone is even He’d be proud "Tarver, you have to understand that everyone who approachesMen are after my money Women are after irl’s attentions, but not that level of humiliation I’ve had to learn to use it over the years And …so there, s to say, and fall silent My hand twitches, like it wants to throw the screwdriver at hi He stands there like he’s been hit in the head with the canteen, staring at me, square-jawed and silent

I toss the screwdriver down "I’ll find us a place for the night"

I can feel his eyes on me as I retrieve the pack of supplies and make my way back toward the stream

The stream is cloudy where we crossed it earlier, so I follow it, looking for a place to refill the canteen and wash a little A thread of an idea nags at

Why, why, did I tell hia of the poor little rich girl who had her boyfriend taken away? It’ll be a great story for hih about with his platoon I can just iirl tried to ju twists uneasily inside me Tarver isn’t the type of person to share the story But still, he must think me so self-involved He’s seen dozens of his friends blown to s because a boy I once knew got sent away to war

Still, now he knows What my father is What I am That I’m responsible for the death of a boy whose only cri in love Now he kno toxic I ahts that I almost don’t notice the cave The entrance is narrow, barely wide enough for Tarver’s shoulders The source of the strea, only the light trickle of water cascading down the rock I ruht, clih

The streah another, wider fissure I stop long enough to leave a bright red T-shirt fronal in case Tarver should co for me Then I slip back inside, and head deeper into the cave to see if there’s a big enough place for us to sleep