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"Still stable"

TWELVE

LILAC

I’M POSITIVE HE KNOWS how oes ahead to "scout" He probably does it just to provoke ine how much nicer it’d be not to havehe’d let that beast eatin a patch of afternoon sun on one of the blankets, spread over the nasty forest floor Not that ithalf the forest along within tatters and the skirt is ine lances in my direction at the best of times, and there’s no one else around to see, I must try to bear it as best I can

I know he’ll come back--he always has--but tiny eddies of fear swirl in my subconscious anyway What if he doesn’t? What if he falls down soully and cracks his head open, and I’m left all alone? What if my last insult was one too many?

The forest is full of sound and s that flicker out of the corners ofbefore I can focus on them The major doesn’t seem to notice--or if he does, he isn’t bothered But it’s as though the forest is whispering all around us, saying incos in ic insists that I’ for the fa around other people, andthe sounds of the wilderness into sounds I find co

If ether He’d tell me not to let anyone see me fall He’d tell et it back

That makes me smile, however weakly The only power I have in this horrible wilderness is getting under Major Merendsen’s skin It’s so easy to undercut his know-it-all attitude, and score a point in our endless battle

I can iine Anna beside me, close and real for a moment Choose what you let them see, she’d say My throat closes as I think of her

His opinion of me is already a lost cause--years later, when he looks back at this escapade, I’d rather he think bitch than weakling

The sounds of branches cracking and leaves rustling alerta little noise now, after the first time he appeared soundlessly behind me and ended up with a scream and a canteen thrown at his face My heartbeat quickens, ht