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Unease settles init turn "That’s dirty money, Mom"

"It is not," she says, her voice prim She believes what she wants to believe That’s how she’s always been with her husband

My father

He’s a horrible person Right up there with Owen’s s about how men will treat me awful, how I can’t trust them and I’m better off alone, can’t believe her own hype My father is her absolute weakness

And she can’t even see it

"It’s dirty money He has some secret account he wants you to clean out so he doesn’t have to do the hard work and possibly get caught after he gets out You’ll save it for hiive it to hi will be wonderful and perfect between the two of you, and then he’ll leave you Again"

She’s sputtering, sounding like a plugged-up faucet right before it blows and spits water everywhere "How dare you say that, Chelsea He is your father He e hi his dues He has redee his dues by encouraging you to pull out his dirtyifinto her brain "He’s a real prize, Mo"

"That ht I remind you"

Way to rub salt in the wound, Mom "I don’t want it He stole it"

"We don’t know that," she starts, but I cut her off

"Sure we do He took it I don’t want it" Howfro my husband in his ti to ht not likeme know she’d choose him over me I don’t understand her I never really have She’s always such a contradiction, her thoughts, her whied her? Men are evil Dad’s noooing her with sords and endless promises? She needs to stand by her man no matter what

I’ on a

They both are

"I won’t take thehard "I don’t want you to see him"

"Too late I’ve seen him, many times We talk on the phone daily We write each other letters He’ll be getting out of prison by the end of the year and we’ll be together again" She sounds happy, so falsely pinning all her hope on this, and I want to setting all of that Just believing his lies and his eain and leaves her alone, ill she do? Turn to me?

"He told me that he’s tried to contact you," she says, her voice full of disapproval "And that you hang up on hile time You shouldn’t do that, Chelsea He just wants to talk to you You’re his daughter, his only child"

They won’t have to worry about it any longer because I shut off the house phone, depending only on my cell Couldn’t afford to keep the landline, which we had only because Kari’s parents insisted on it for safety reasons, whatever that means

And cell phones normally can’t take collect calls

"I refuse to allow hi up on her before she can say another word and I stare aton her to call back At least text

But she doesn’t That hurtsback in inning of the se With two jobs and the perfect school schedule, finally out of the dor with my best friend, I was on top of the world

Then I ’s changed I can’t bla part of it

I wish he were still a part of it

Closing hts, o home I can’t stay in this stupid apart No friends, no possibilities Maybe I could rent a room Sell what pitiful amount of furniture I have and move in with someone That could work, and the rent would be way cheaper

First thing toht … tonight I’m too tired and too depressed

My phone buzzes and I crack open my eyes I hold it up so I can see who texted o out on a Saturday night Or that her parents treat her like she’s on her deathbed when she’s really only sick with stupid ht when she texted h There’s an endless strea sentence at a time

I miss you

I think about you all the time

I dream about you

I lied to you and I’m sorry

I was eiveness but I don’t kno

I holdin ht I ran away froer than that He couldn’t break me I refused to let him

But noith the truth typed out for me to see, I cry Quiet, continuous tears that slide downood It frees ht withinpast the tears, I text him back

One pitiful sentence at a time, just like the ones he sent to me

I miss you, too

And I think about you all the time

You come to me in my dreams and I don’t want to wake up

You lied to me but I lied to you, too

Because I was embarrassed

And ashamed like you