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I don’t want to clear hter drops to the counter with a loud clatter and I stub the joint out in the sink, then rinse it out I drop the half-smoked joint into the toilet and flush, watch as it disappears down the drain forever

Ifa joint they’d be pissed But I don’t care I need to get this shit out of

I need to prove myself worthy of Chelsea But no matter how much our relationship means to ht do the wrong thing And once I do that, I can never go back

CHAPTER 18

Chelsea

I’ame for the first time ever Only took me three years to do it Of course, I never had a reason to attend one before I hated sports I kind of still do I can never understand exactly what’s going on down on the field and that drivesat all tiht before we drifted off to sleep, I do wish there were a textbook for all of these things we’re supposed to know and do and learn and watch If I can’t figure it out right away or read up about it, I’m lost And frustrated

I hate that

But I’o It’s the second half, our tea with his sister and niece, bundled up against the crisp, cold fall air The baby is adorable, sweet and content in her mother’s arms, and when Fable offers forher up on down onthe dumbest stuff that has probably ever come out of my mouth

I don’t care Autumn likes it She reaches for my face and my heart stops She sain Her eyes rely beautiful No wonder Owen goes on and on about hoeet his niece is She’s adorable

"She likes you," Fable says, reaching out to readjust the little cap sitting on top of Autu down at her "I like her, too"

"This ga out at the field "We’re totally kicking their asses"

I h that wants to escape "Yeah, we are"

"Thank goodness we’re alet Autu cranky You’re going to dinner with us later, right?"

"Yes, definitely," I say, happiness fillingto burst "What tis, a little smile on her face "After Autuo to The District"

"Really? Didn’t you used to work there?" I ask

"I did" A wistful smile crosses her face "I have a lot of fond memories at that place Soh"

"Is that where you and Drew hs and shakes her head, then reaches for the baby and plucks her fro, didn’t we, princess?" She’s talking to Autumn, who smiles and kicks out her little feet

I’m almost afraid to ask how theypretty serious then?" she asks after a few lance around, thankful no one is really sitting by us We’re down on the bottom row of bleachers, close to the exit, because that’s where Fable wanted to be She was unsure how Autuht behave while we’re here and didn’t want to take any chances "Uirlfriend kind of serious?" She sends me a pointed look, one that says you’d better tell , and quick I s hard, suddenly inti stupid And I despise feeling stupid "We haven’t "

"Ah" She nods "I get it" She offersher baby close to her chest "Be patient with ht not be the best when it couy"

He’s definitely a good guy, but I think we’re both amateurs at relationships I keep my opinions to myself He’s never really had a relationship and neither have I, but we see the course fairly well so far And I don’t want to rock the boat, asking hiive yet

So I reht I went over to his place with the Indian food and we ended up hag sx for the first time, I’ve spent every free hour I can spare with Owen at his place Soto irritate Kari because she never seesher a one-word answer in the hope I can get rid of her for at least a little while

It rarely works I need to actually call her and find out what’s really going on I just … I don’t have tiht now

I’d rather spend all y lately and I don’t knohy Des never comes around anyives us the opportunity to be a little ether And e’re alone in the house, Owen has this way of looking at et me nad in minutes, both physically and emotionally He’s oes a little li about it

"You know, our mom was pretty screwed up," Fable continues

I beco Owen never, ever talks about her, I’ she’ll continue