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Grey looked at the picture of her and Ben for a little while longer before puttingout, I grabbed her hand and was relieved when she squeezed ure it out," I promised

"I know It’s just hard, and it ure out ould want to do this to both of us" She said the last part to herself and stayed silent for the rest of the drive to the lake; the entire ti her about Charlie

I tried thinking of a dozen different ways of telling her so it wouldn’t reflect badly on one, ere lying on the dock, I still hadn’t figured out a better way to tell her, and I ended up saying it exactly as it had gone Froht in my place to how Charlie had reacted when she found out ere together, and then finally tonight

It was safe to say Charlie had been the last person Gray had expectedabout, and I hated how unsure of herself she looked, and confused about everything she’d thought she’d known Like me, Grey hadn’t had any clue that Charlie had been in love with Ben, and everything ht seemed to hit Grey twice as hard as it had hit uess Ben always had a soft spot for Charliehe was just as protective of her as you were Why wouldn’t she fall in love with a guy who treated her the way Ben did?" sheher everything "God, I feel so stupid Every tiht--I don’t know, but I feel like--I just don’t understand," she ra on, and she’s not--and she wasn’t even with hi about you It just says that Charlie hasn’t tried to get past it No one knew about her feelings for Ben, so she probably didn’t grieve the way she should have But this" I rolled over so I was looking down at her and cupped her cheek "Us? It doesn’t say anything about either of us, I promise"

She nodded, but I knew by her expression that she wasn’t sure whether or not she should believe me, and that terrified me I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to tell her what she meant to me, but only because I needed to reassureaway froain because of what had happened And I knew I couldn’t do that when it was only days ago that we’d gotten past her shutting ain The one thing that had stopped her fros about me in the first place--her relationship with Ben--was now constantly being thrown in her face

What she and Ben had before he died was so I knew I’d never be able to have with her They’d pro on with mehis best friend I knew she felt like she was cheating on Ben again; it was all over her face

Trying to hide my own pain and fear, I rolled back over and stared up at the night sky as we fell into a silence--only this one felt weighted It was scaring the shit out of otten her back to her parents’ house, she’d said only a handful of words, and she hugged ht I stood there for long minutes after she shut the door before I was able to force myself toher over the last teeks, but everything about tonight screa her anyust 13, 2014

I GOT READY to go to bed in a daze, everything Jagger had told hon with ry withfro him

It wasn’t until I was inback to the house with Jagger, and I didn’t reht to hi about all of this, and at the moment, I didn’t knohere we stood in our relationship

I lay there for what felt like hours, going over everything that had happened with Jagger, and everything froer that I couldn’t lose hiAnd I was causing it to happen I was the reason there was this sudden distance between us, and I kneould only grow if I let it--and I kneould I could easily get so lost in er never happened

Gripping Ben’s ring inin my eyes and scrambled out of bed I didn’t bother with a bra, I just slipped into my sandals and threw my hair up in a messy bun as I ran down the stairs and out to my car

I raced down the roads of our small town, and was thankful none of the sheriffs were around since I’d left my purse and driver’s license at the house in ripped the steering wheel and, after a few calot out of my car I walked slowly until I was in front of the shiny stone, and sank down to the ground

"Hey," I whispered as I traced the letters and dates "I miss you so htness in ain "Ithis isn’t you I know that even though there are ti to force Jagger and me apart But you wouldn’t do that, would you? Just like I would want for you to be happy, I know that’s what you want for both of us And soer is the only man you would trust to keep me safe Maybe it’s because you knew he loved me and tried not to flaunt our relationship in front of him Maybe it’s because you knew him better than anyone Whatever the reason, I knohen I’ht I love you, Ben, but I love him too"