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Deacon--and Graham and their other best friend, Knox, for thatas I could re up, whichas protective older brothers Where Grey was, Jagger wasn’t far behind; and where Jagger went, I went too

I’d never gotten coh to talk freely with the boys as I had with Grey, but they’d all been nice Never hostile Never like this

That sickening feeling in nified at Deacon’s hardened stare, and I didn’t understand it It was as if I deserved this look--but I knew I couldn’t There was nothing I had ever done to his He has a very active iination" I hurried to finish, each word quieter than the previous one, then stared straight ahead at the road when Deacon’s aggravation became too much

Deacon didn’t respond, and after a couple htened in his seat and pulled out his phone for a distraction

And I was thankful for it I was able to breathe easier knowing he wouldn’t try to talk tohis eyes were busy

But then the cemetery that rested just before town caht have preferred the sick twisting inof uy ould never see or hold his son

I TRAILED MY fingers absenth Keith’s hair as he slept sprawled across otten er and Grey, but I hadn’t been able to put off bringing Keith to the ce me ever since he’d woken up that afternoon, and nohere, I knew Keith wanted thisneeded it

I leaned back, putting ht on one arm, and let my eyes move from my son to the stone just a foot fro on The flowers Keith had picked out for hi about the look of them bothered me Like this was all too fresh, too new

Like I was being sucked back in tiround

Dozens of beautiful flowers had been on his casket, and even more had been placed on top of the freshly packed dirt Nohenever we visited his grave with fresh flowers--and Keith de neers every time--all I could think about was that day

It felt like I’d never get away froet away froh before and after he’d died, and then the years of secrets I’d gone through after

Chapter Two

Charlie

May 25, 2016

"HAMMER SMASH!"

There are thoseyou should try to prevent But that feeling is mixed with confusion as you’re slowly pulled from your drea for your muscles to react And then in a fraction of a second, you’re yanked into awareness, and your world is filled with the bright lights of your roomand pain

My eyes cracked open, and I only had a fraction of a second to understand why h the air, and to tense my body, before Keith slah and rolled, sending hi onto the bed

"Hammer smash! Hammer smash!" he shouted, and jumped for another round of jump-on-Mommy