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She heard so, all threefrom her own mouth

Trapped and eaten alive

Eaten from the inside out, forever, no end, trapped inside seamless white stone, alabaster, a tomb that went inside her, immobilized her so that she couldn’t even lash out, couldn’t ain

Never

Would kill herself first

She clutched dirt in her hands, squeezed it like she was holding on to reality The dirt ran through her fingers and she gathered rabbed atto hurt Needing to feel her body move and not be in that terrible blank white stone prison

She was just a girl Just soirl with the stupid nah And what for? For emptiness For loneliness All of it ca at sand and jibbering like a crazy person, beaten

Die here, Dekka It’s okay if you do It’s okay to just lie here in the dark and let your eyelids close, because there’s nothing more to see, Dekka; do you hearfor you but fear And death is better because death is the end of fear, isn’t it?

Quiet Peace

It wouldn’t be suicide That was the thing you could never do, right? Never kill yourself But let yourself go? Where was the sin in that?

"You want me to explain how I could wish for that, God? Tell you what, hit the back button and play the last hour … no, no, the last, what’s it been, alh Coh See what you did toand leavein the dirt

"Make ive up Here I aht-vision goggles? You know, the ones that ? Well, strap theuy in the sky, you strap on your goggles like some divine co look at what you did

"See? See me here facedown in the dirt?

"Can you hearout ofa shopping cart down the street, don’t I?

"Can you smell me? Because when the fear had me I made a mess all over myself Fear does that, you know; did you know? Well, probably not, being God and all and not afraid of anything

"Just One favor Okay? Just kill ain, she ht squeeze ht knohat they were doing, you know, because it’s not like I didn’t see the of thee, all right? Oh, et off on that? Okay I beg you to kill hed In her fevered ht for a second there she’d heard an actual voice The voice of God

She waited, silent