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No, Diana begged
The doll had a pouting, dissatisfied ain, and she was afraid
The baby seemed to hear her voice and it held the doll out to her Like it wanted her to take it But Diana couldn’t take it, because her arms were like lead and so terribly heavy
Noooo, she moaned I don’t want to see it
But the baby wanted her to look; it insisted she look, and she couldn’t stop herself, couldn’t look away, could not move or turn or run, and oh, God, she wanted to run
What is it, Mommy? The voice had no character, just words, not a voice, not a sound, like so them onto a keyboard so that she could kind of hear but also see the words in letters, ba in her brain
What is it, Mommy?
The baby held the black-and-white plush toy in her face and asked again, What is it, Mommy?
She had to answer No choice now She had to answer
Panda, she said, and with that word the full deluge of sadness and self-loathing burst in her mind
Panda, the baby said, and smiled without teeth, smiled with the panda’s own red mouth
Diana woke Opened her eyes
Tears blurred her vision She rolled out of the bed The trailer was tiny, but she kept it clean and neat She was lucky: the only person other than Sam at the lake to have a place without a roommate
Panda
The baby knew It knew she had eaten part of a boy with the nickname Panda Her soul was bare to the baby It could see inside her
Oh, God, hoas she going to be athat terrible crime in her soul?
She deserved hell And she had the terrible suspicion that the baby inside her was the demon sent to conduct her there