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I preferred to live in the present Everything about the plane--the uncomfortable seats, the tiny screens that showed a safety video, the attendants’ peculiar costu, to me And as the plane cruised up the Northeastern coastline, I looked down at the rivers and streaht up--first silver, then gold, then indigo--as the plane flew over theht? The sun was almost directly overhead Whatever caused the pheno body, with rivers for veins

"You’re feeling better" Mãe looked over one"

"Yes" Yesterday’s sense of foreboding already was far behind us

I didn’t letto the city where I’d been born In the present moment, I felt alive

Froreen, a mosaic of fern and moss and pine If I were able to nareen--a us, it was the predoround upstate New York--Saratoga Springs, at least--see to become what it once was

We chose an old hotel don, a place I’d often ridden past on ht be like The wallpaper, carpeting, and furniture had "seen better days," Mãe said, and I wondered if it was literally true, if inanimate objects retained any memory or connotation of past events Was that armchair less happy now than in the late nineteenth century, when it had been built? Yes, I thought It , e drove past our old house A stately Victorian with a cupola, it had been painted gray when last I saw it, and a wisteria vine had trailed along its left side

The vine had been chopped down and the house painted lireen with violet trim Since then I’ve heard a term for such houses: "painted ladies" The name described the house well The house’s s, once re me of hooded eyes, had been stripped of curtains and shades Now they ide open, vacant Stone cherubs stood on either side of its brick ay A large wooden sign on the lawn read BETTY’S HAVEN B&B

My mother and I said, at the sanals of distress--visible sparks, faintly yellow in theair It didn’t like what had been done to it any e: Soa Springs had in coe units The repositories of cast-off lives Our unit smelled of dust and memories It was lined with neatly stacked boxes and furniture shrouded in plastic covers

Mãe said, "There’s ined"

In cartons marked simply "A," I found clothes, books, old notebooks in which er, and CDs that Kathleen had given me I didn’t want to read the notebooks or listen to the CDs, but I wasn’t ready to give them away I sealed two boxes and loaded them into the back of the truck we’d rented When I careen fabric in her lap, crying

"I’m sorry," she said She held up the cloth, and it unfurled into a chiffon cocktail dress "I bought this to hen I met your father in London"

"He mentioned that dress once," I said "He said it reminded him of lettuce"

She sraphs, and artwork, and several pieces of furniture, she was giving rown years ago--stuffed aniive-away pile But e finished loading the things to take hoed my mind "These co: that one day I ht have a child ould play with those toys She considered it a bad idea But she didn’t argue

Late afternoon on the following day, we arrived at the thrift shop’s donation center After we’d taken out all of our giveaways, I thought of one last thing I had to have I’d untaped four of the cartons marked KITCHEN before I found it: my mother’s old cookbook She’d written co before I’d known her

Mãe was tired and hungry and eager to get back to the hotel, but when she sahat I’d been looking for, her face brightened "You can’t kno much that means to me," she said "It was a present fro the cookbook justified the entire trip

My cell phone rang The ring tone was an excerpt from Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake, which happens to be the only ht the tuneto speak to"Hello" or "How are you?" to ers, as if it were a dead fish "Yes?" she said Then she listened for a while

"Yes" My mother’s voice sounded strained "Well, I’ll tell her We’ll be on the road first thing toood-bye and handed etting a call from the county sheriff ’s office It’s your friend," Mãe said "That girl Mysty She seeht of Mysty, sone? Was she lost? Had she been hurt? "She called ht before we left town She said she and Jesse were going stargazing And after she hung up, I took the telescope outside and did ot dizzy, remember?"

"Jesse’s the one you hypnotized?" Mãe’s eyes were serious, alht have made him hurt her, and I reassured her We didn’t put any of that into words He’s an oaf, but an aht He wouldn’t hurt her

My irls do sometimes She’ll likely turn up in a day or so"

Mãe said we should try to buy Picardo for the trip ho the road stocked it Whatever is in Picardo (its ingredients are a secret kept by the et by without blood

We walked a few blocks to a liquor store The clerk dusted off the bottle Mãe handed him "Not ive you a discount if you buy two"

"Thanks" Mãe set money on the counter

He wiped off the second bottle "This is your lucky day," he said

"We’re not lucky," I said Words and worry spiraled through ht have said more, but Mãe said, "Why don’t you wait outside?"

So I stood outside the liquor store while she ers sat in a car in the parking lot, debating which of theo inside and try to buy a bottle of vodka I noticed thes that don’tthe door behind him