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My face burned "What happened to me? What happened to you? What happened toto Diane? For your inforoddamned war That's what happened You wanna knohat's else, I blarandfather he wouldn't of joined the aroddamn excuse?"

Shannie watched us from the top of the stairs

"And you're worried about hter She's the only good thing that's ever happened to me Piss off!" I slaht I foundthe storm roll away I was sure Shannie didn't care I was so wrapped up in le I never fathomed hers Today I obsess how different life would be if I had known her dileled with her feelings, by then it was too late Diane showed me Shannie's journal entry written in the motel room on the way home from DC

6/xx/91

Soht Just James told me he loved me I don't how to react I love him wildly, I've loved him from the day weour lives together, growing old together Then there are the days when the idea revolts me I'm torn, pulled away by my attraction to women I think it's inevitable; I think I'm lesbian I mean what else would I want in a , he's so passionate I love being with him I know him better than he knows himself But there's the penis issue I mean I don't hate it But I'd rather be with, well sexually anyhow, Beetle or whomever Beetle is so passé', so tedious, she has no future James could have a future He is smarter than he thinks He could be somebody He has to believe Jaence index; Jah; he doesn't have a vagina Fuck if he had a vagina we'd be perfect Why is the world so unfair? Even Count sensed the electricity between us Why can't I give myself to him? God, there are days when I want to so badly I hope last night wasn't a ood He doesn't deserve that It's not fair for him I'm so confused