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In theshe dressed in boots, jeans and a cool cotton blouse She stood on the porch and gazed at the mountain It wasn’t really a mountain by most people’s standards It was barely more than 500 feet taller than her house at its peak Still, it ild and rugged Its rock foundation frequently broke through the vegetation in jagged ledges A mixed forest of deciduous and conifer trees forracefully down the raze
It struck her suddenly that she oat dairy – or at least what it represented It had finally been in the black and she was actuallya profit It was her money, her place and her decision In teeks Alex would be ed to her parents would belong to hihts Why was she thinking about this now? She was the one anted Alex to oat dairy had never been more than an income to her She wouldn’t need that now Maybe that was it She would no longer be paying her oay That idea hadn’t troubled her with Josh – possibly because she had never thought of them as a married couple? Yet she had considered his home a sanctuary from the cold winters If she hadAlex?
She stepped off the porch and headed for the dairy It wasn’t as if Alex would rule her life He was the one with the money It was only fair that he make the decisions about it She would be free to do as she pleased all day – after all the chores were done Her gaze lifted to the o up there alone - but then, she had never gone alone First there had been her father and then Josh Alex would take her up there now Josh rong Alex wouldn’t think it was foolish or childish He would understand Then as she so reluctant to tell hies when she pulled it open It sht and let the door swing shut on its own Her footsteps echoed off the block walls
Toenails clicked on concrete behind her and panting announced that Brutus had arrived for his breakfast She turned to greet the Great Pyrenees dog that had guarded the goat heard so faithfully
"Good , Brutus," she said as she patted his head "You ry"
She removed the lid from a plastic trash can and scooped out so it in his food bowl, she watched ahis water bowl out in the big stainless steel sink, she filled the boater and set it on the floor near his food bowl
Flipping on the radio, she wandered into the barn The smell of alfalfa came from a stack of hay in the corner It would be used as winter fodder for the two goats she had kept Both were pregnant Her idea that they would provide meat and milk didn’t impress Alex He said she could buy all the oat h demand in this area She still had some meat in her freezer, as well as some frozen colostrum More than once someone had purchased frozen colostruoats always produced way h the dairy, Brutus was lapping water After a brief look at her, he plodded back out of the dairy He spent oats As much as she loved him, he had never been a pet Her parents had always cautioned her againstpets of the farm animals Soh - cats and a little Cocker Spaniel that died teeks after Mom died After Dad died, there was neither ti a relationship with Josh was exhausting enough
She hadn’t recognized it as depression then, though It wasn’t until after Alex arrived that she began to feel alive Finally there had been direction in her life that had nothing to do withto do with food on the table
On that thought, the horses needed to be fed and watered Leaving the dairy, she crossed the field and then the creek, hopping fro her boots wet Up the hill to the house - across the well maintained lawn to the barn When she entered the barn, Ed snorted and Princess nickered Casper stuck her head out of the stall and eyed Carmen with anticipation The barn smelled like horses and leather
One by one Carmen brushed them with a curry co theate to the pasture Casper was the last to leave the corral, pausing beside Carmen for an extra dose of attention Her pink nose felt like velvet The filly was mostly white with a fen spots – almost the opposite of her mother Both Ed and Princess were a red-brown color hite speckles on their haunches – typical Appaloosas
Carhed as Casper finally moved away The three of theraceful, theirunder shiny coats as they moved She had always loved horses, and a horse ranch had been a dream she kneould never come true Everyone should have at least one unachievable dream Alex had h She’d trade it for the one he took away in a heartbeat
She turned toward the house That wasn’t fair It wasn’t his fault - he wanted children too Still, he illing to give up the idea in exchange for adopting a child Maybe the doctors were right Then again, maybe they weren’t They hadn’t tried yet, so how did they know for sure?
Her face war love to hiination dwell on the feel of that lean body against hers
She sighed It wasn’t proper to think of such things, but it was certainly enjoyable No one needed to know about it anyway – only god Thinking about it and acting on it were two different thingsweren’t they? Was she really so different than Lori?
She pushed the thought from her mind Of course she was Lori’s desire wasn’t born of love It was born of lust
In his bedroo up his pillow and hugging it, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, enjoying the scent of his cologne What would it be like to sleep next to hiht or in the– or both?
She blushed and jerked the pillow case off Why did herhis sheets and throwing the soiled ones into the washer, she left the house She’d coain she crossed the field – this time back to her house By the ti to the relative cool of the dairy, she picked up a broom There was no reason to clean the dairy She had done that when they sold the goats, but then she had been in a rush Now she wanted to savor some memories And so, with the radio on, she swept the floor and remembered the first time Alex had held her in his ar to do, but it had certainly brought her closer to his heart – although she hadn’t thought so at the tio if she had acquiesced? Would he have cared if there had been someone else before him? Was he sexually frustrated, and did he think about other women?
She tossed the broom aside and felt vindicated when it bounced off the wall Everyone thought she was being i ridiculous about the idea of a 25-year-old virgin Maybe Mary was right – and yet, that would o to church on Sunday with one set of morals and spend the rest of the ith another?
She snapped the radio off and left the dairy It didn’t need to be cleaned and she was out of theShe didn’t have enough to donot ht things would change after they got married, but actually, she would have less to do – andin their lives
It was getting close to noon when Cararden Drenched in sweat and covered with dirt, she decided to go swi into a rabbed a towel and headed out at a brisk walk for the creek Brutus ca out of nowhere, his tail curled in its alert position and his big tongue hanging out
"Aren’t you afraid the goats are going tohim on the head "You miss the herd too, don’t you?"
For a fewto the cicadas sing in the old oak tree by the pond Somewhere in the distance a Bob-White quail called Dust drifted down the road fro in the field today For her, the lazy days of suedat Wal-Mart, she had been able to stay on the fars had been packed with chores, but there was usually ti thesound of water running over stones greeted the to lap at the cool water The bleached skeleton of a huge old Sycamore tree lay near the creek Carmen tossed the towel on a branch, kicked off her sandals and walked down the creek to the rope swing It was nothing but a long rope with a piece of broo the rope, she pulled it back a little way frorip on the rope, she lifted herself, cla her feet rest on the piece of broomstick The deep part of the pool was sht her where to land She swung out and at the preciseinto the water feet first
The water was icy and she gasped as she cah for a few strokes, which she covered quickly Grabbing the worn roots of an old tree, she climbed out of the pool It wouldn’t take more than a few minutes in this heat before she would be ready to ju her hair back, she squeezed water out of it and then fluffed it with her fingers to release the natural curls
On the other side of the creek, Brutus plodded his way over to a tree If he hadn’t done so, she ainst the tree Alex’s expression could only be described as awed
She recovered frohed
"By the expression on your face, I’"
His eyes waraze traveled over her body "I wish you wouldn’t do that when I’m not here"
"I know the creek pretty well," she said "It isn’t as dangerous as it looks"
His aaze met hers "No, I suppose the possibility of snakes does pose a bigger threat"
"Snakes?" She giggled "Why Alex, I do believe you have a phobia about snakes"
He continued to watch her without comment, but the amuse they feared Snakes were his weakness
He shrugged, a slow fluid moment that was somehow sexy
"You’re not afraid of snakes?"
"No I have a healthy respect for theh"
"What about people?" His expression was unreadable
"People?" she asked with a frown "A away from the tree "What about soood hed without hu? It’s not like I was doing acrobatics"
He crossed his araze came back to her face