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I gape at hier, not your best friend who you are concurrently fucking”

Everyone goes quiet, and I get it: I don’t often yell But I a to oddaht thing

I feel like an idiot

I feel like I’m on the outside

I feel totally humiliated

I stand and toss a couple of twenties down onto the table My heart feels like a boxer, beating and beating at uys”

Chapter fifteen

millie

I shut off the TV and the house falls into silence I couldn’t even tell you what I’ve been watching A car goes by on the street outside, and for the first tiht, I don’t bother to look out theto see whether it’s him

He said he was going to think about things, but I worked froht next to me the entire ti outside

I’s are stiff by the tihten them to stand and walk to the kitchen I scan the contents of ling voice in the back ofout

I think he knows

I don’t kno, but I felt it I saw it on his face, soer

Noto the count of five—over and over again—the panic is still there, growing more insistent with every heavy slam ofapart at the seas in the air and when I turn my head, I can smell him in the fabric of s and search foron by the time I ot in my car with no real destination in mind, but when the little blue pickup in front of me with the surfboard in the back turned, I followed

Even with the s up I can smell the salt in the air It feels heavy and hu lot that I knoill be even colder down by the water

I climb out and reach for the sweater in the back seat It’s hideous but war I keep ready for over-air-conditioned stops at Cajé and spontaneous beach moments just like this I’ve had it for years, but no matter how many times I wash it, it still smells faintly of coffee

With h the lot and down past the dog-washing station and the restaurant with blue and yellow urass stake their claim near rocks in the sand, and I cross the sidewalk to the small set of steps down to the beach

On the left side of the lifeguard tohere dogs are allowed to run off leash, a particularly hyper golden retriever races into the surf, pouncing on waves as they break the surface and chasing theain I take a seat in the sand: close enough to watch the waves but far enough away to stay dry At least for a while