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My head snaps up “You have his phone number? You have John Ambrose McClaren’s number?”

Peter pulls out his cell phone “Sure Let’s call hirab his phone away from him, but he’s too quick He holds his phone above my head and I can’t reach “Don’t you dare call hiht you were so curious about what ever happened to him”

I shake my head fervently

“What are you so afraid of? That he doesn’t re realization about me “Or that he does?”

I shake my head

“That’s it” Peter nods to himself; he tips back in his chair, his hands linked around his head

I don’t like the way he’s looking at ured me out I hold my palm out to him “Give me your phone”

Peter’s jaw drops “You’re going to call hiht now?”

I like that I’ve surprised hi back I think throwing Peter off guard could be a fun hobby forvoice I’ve only ever used with Kitty, I say, “Just give me your phone” Peter hands me his phone, and I copy John’s number into mine “I’ll call him when I feel like it, not because you feel like it”

Peter givesto call John, but Peter K doesn’t need to know that

That night, I’ about John It’s fun to think of the what-if Scary, but fun It’s like, I thought this door was closed before, but here it is open just the tiniest crack What if? What would that be like, me and John Ambrose McClaren? If I close my eyes, I can almost picture it

30

MARGOT AND I ARE ON the phone; it’s Saturday afternoon here and Saturday night there “Have you lined up an internship for the spring?”

“Not yet”

Margot lets out a sigh “I thought you were going to try and do so at Montpelier I know they need help in the archives Do you want ot did an internship at Montpelier for two su where they found a shard of Dolley Madison’s china plate, and you’d have thought they found diaot over there When she left, they gave her a plaque for all her hard work Daddy hung it up in the living room

“Montpelier’s too far of a drive,” I say

“What about volunteering at the hospital?” she suggests “You could get a ride with Daddy on the days you have to go in”

“You know I don’t like the hospital”

“Then the library! You like the library”

“I’ve already filled out an application,” I lie

“Have you really?”

“Or I was just about to”

“I shouldn’t have to push you to want things You should want them for yourself You need to take the initiative I’ to be beside you to push you”

“I know that”

“I mean, do you realize how i You don’t get a do-over: this is junior year”