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He lifted his head to see tears in her eyes
“All this talk of Paulina” Julia sed hard “I know I shouldn’t be jealous, but I envy her You shared a life-changing experience with her that we ht you’d be relieved”
“Nothing in what you’ve said brings relief” She searched his eyes “And you certainly don’t look happy”
“That’s because I hat I can’t have I can’t go through what I went through with Paulina again I can’t and I won’t I won’t let that happen to you”
“No children,” she whispered
“We’ll adopt”
“So that’s it”
He nodded
Julia closed her eyes, letting the iht of their future, of the i Gabriel that she was pregnant, about carrying his child inside her body, about holding his hand while she gave birth to a son
All the ies vanished as if in a puff of smoke Julia felt the loss immediately She hadn’t realized how much she wanted to have those experiences and to share the her she couldn’t, she felt pain
“No”
“No?” His eyebrows lifted
“You want to protect me, and that’s ad else”
“I don’t want to see you hurt”
“It goes deeper than that, doesn’t it? It’s wrapped up in what happened between your father and yourhis shorts to the floor He turned away, standing naked before her
She cleared her throat “Sweetheart, I know that you have scars You can’t even look at the things in your desk drawer”
“This isn’t about that This is about choosing the risks I’ to take Your father could lose Diane and the baby I’et cancer Or get hit by a car You could wrap et sick I know that I could lose you too And asto die” Her voice broke on the last word “But I choose to love you now and I choose to build a life with you knowing I could lose you I’ you to take the risk, with me”
She moved to him and took his hand in hers
He looked down at their entwined fingers “We don’t knohat the risks ht be I have no idea what’s in my medical history”
“We can be tested”
He squeezed her hand before releasing it
“That isn’t enough”
“Some of your relatives are still alive You could try to speak with therandparents”
He scowled “Do you think I would give the for information? I’d rather burn in Hell”
“Listen to yourself You’re right back where you started—thinking that you aren’t good enough to reproduce And refusing to find out if there are any obvious issues in your family tree What about your dream about Maia? What about Assisi? What aboutthat God would give us our own child Are you taking back that prayer?”