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The e ended Avasarala closed her eyes Around her, the ship was as close and confining as a coffin The sainst her until she wanted to scream Until she wanted to sleep She let herself weep for aelse to be done She had taken her best shot, and there was nothing to be done but meditate and worry
Half an hour later, her terht Anxiety knotted her throat She lifted a finger to begin the playback, and then paused She didn’t want to She didn’t want to go back into that world, wear her heavy ain Listen to his voice
Only, of course, Arjun had knohat she would want It hy he’d said the things he had She started the ry More than that, he looked tired His pleasant deone, and he was a man made entirely of salt water and threat
“Chrisjen,” he said “I know you won’t understand this, but I have been doing everything in my power to keep you and yours safe You don’t understand what you’ve waded into, and you are fking things up I wish you had had the e to come to me with this before you ran off like a horny sixteen-year-old with James Holden Honestly, if there was a better way to destroy any professional credibility you once had, I can’t think what it would have been
“I put you on the Guanshiyin to take you off the board because I knew that things were about to go hot Well, they are, only you’re in the middle of them and you don’t understand the situation Millions of people stand in real danger of dying badly because of your egotishter All of theht clasped his hands together, pressing his knuckles against his lower lip, the platonic ideal of a scolding father
“If you coht—be able to save you Not your career That’s gone Forget it Everyone down here sees that you’re working with the OPA and Mars Everyone thinks you’ve betrayed us, and I can’t undo that Your life and your faet away from this circus you’ve started, and you have to do it now
“Tis in the balance, and I cannot help you if you don’t help yourself Not with this
“It’s last-chance tinore me now, and the next tie ended She started it again, and then a third tirin felt feral
She found Bobbie in the ops deck with the pilot, Alex They stopped talking as she came in, a question in Bobbie’s expression Avasarala held up a finger and switched the video feed to display on the shipscreens, she could see his pores and the individual hairs in his eyebrows As he spoke, Avasarala saw Alex and Bobbie grow sober, leaning in toward the screen as if they were all at a poker table and coht,” Bobbie said “What do we do?”
“We break out the fking chane,” Avasarala said “What did he just tell us? There is nothing in thataround his words like they’ve got poisoned spikes on theot? Threats No one n?”
“That was excellent,” Avasarala said, and then so small, fell into place in the back of herat the same time
“What? What is it?”