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It was the not knowing that was the worst Not knohat, exactly, hewhere he was, if he was even still alive

My only relief cale

Is this what it’s like to love sohts of them that you’re rendered dysfunctional?

That my state of mind could be so affected by Bastien’s circumstances unnerved me Especially since they were circu about It didn’t help that Grace wasn’t here Although she o years younger than me, my cousin was one of my closest friends on the island I wished I could talk to her, even if there was nothing that she could say to make me feel better I just felt the need to talk to soo talk to a olf Who else would be better? So to seek out Saira She was elderly and wise, and had seenmy math homework and headed out of the penthouse

Saira lived in one of the hts I unchained the bicycle I kept at the base of our tree and leapt on it to travel swiftly through the woods to the foothills of the mountains Here, I had no choice but to abandon ed stone steps toward the cabin houses It was really about ti these h the cabins were inhabited primarily by witches--with the occasional olf--hu and wheezing by the time I reached Saira’s cabin, which was about halfway up thewith pots of red and yellow tulips lining the wooden veranda I climbed up the steps and knocked on the door I hoped I would not be disturbing her

The door clicked open and Saira appeared in the doorway She wore a dark pink dressing gown and her bushy brown and gray-speckled hair ept up in a high bun

"Victoria," she said, a sh "I’ve been better, to be honest I’?"

"Only a hot cup of honeyed milk," she said "Come in"

"Thank you," I said as I stepped inside The entrance gave way directly to a s room It seemed that Saira was the simple type She didn’t like clutter The cabin had only thecoziness A fluffy brown rug stretched out before the hearth, and jumbo cushions the size of armchairs lined one end of the room

"Take a seat," she said "I’ll be with you in a second"

I lowered myself on one of the pillows and sank into it, even as I admonished myself I was an insular person I usually preferred to listen to people rather than talkwith the rest of e

Saira returned carrying a tray containing a heaping pile of cookies and two steas of hot, caras to me and set the tray down on the coffee table in front ofchair oppositeabout the Blackhalls?" I asked

Saira furrowed her thick brows "Blackhalls," sheyour trip to The Woodlands?"

And thus I began to recountBastien--even Saira had never heard of a ho could shift at will--discovering that he had been betrayed by his own cousin, then reuniting with the Northstones, before the tragedy that had taken place at Rock Hall

I still wasn’t even sure what the purpose was of telling all of this to Saira other than to relive it all again Relive and regret it all over

Saira, however, did not seem to find my visit curious at all She listened and responded with coment I did not know much about Saira’s past before she’d arrived in The Shade Perhaps she’d once had a child, or children, of her own But whatever her background, by the ti--call it maternal or she-wolf intuition--she told ood instincts, dear," she said "I can’t say that your wolf friend has survived, of course But if he has, you’re causing yourself a whole lot of unnecessary heartache by worrying about what he ht think of you" She leaned in closer, her kind eyes fixed onabout ood wo her arms over her chest "They may not realize it on a conscious level, but their subconscious knows it Their affection is raw and often uncontrollable They’re drawn to protect them, touch them, smell them, keep them close… to a point where they become dependent on the female, and it can intensely hurt thee theile than their feht of so-called evidence of your betrayal, if there was truly a spark between you two, as it seems there was, and if he’s alive… I believe with all my heart that somehow or other, he will find a way back to you"