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CHAPTER 1

We had a syste The alarm squawked at 6:08, and I switched it off, no snoozes allowed I ran a hand through Jesse’s adorably pillow-flat hair to wake hi hed, and headed downstairs to make coffee I juot in while I slid past hied as he copped a feel My outfit, chosen carefully the night before, lay across our reading chair I dressed quickly, dried my hair upside down for volu the closetonly to ask ether, we pounded on Trey’s door until we heard athe hardwood floors Once downstairs, we shared a cup of coffee, split a bowl of yogurt, and hugged Trey goodbye when he slunk into the kitchen We walked out the French patio doors hip to hip, shouted overzealous "Good hed when our cranky neighbor ducked his head, pretending he hadn’t heard us Then we kissed, a real one, soot into our cars, and began our days

Our shared life was perfect

Until two years ago, on a bright, clear su, when Jesse’s Volvo tapped thethe aching crawl of rush hour, it would have amounted to a fender bender, but traffic was sparse that Sunday, and a mere brush with concrete at sixty-fiveoff across all four lanes, slauardrail, where his car flipped once, twice, and hit the concrete bottom with such force it flattened the top of Jesse’s car

People said I should be thankful no one else was seriously injured I wouldn’t wish pain on anyone, but I had to admit I did wish the universe had disbursed ithere, a fractured clavicle there Jesse took it all, his body crumpled and broken, and he wouldn’t have had it any other way

I would, though I’d have had it any other way

Because now? That perfection? That safety? That coone

Our perfect system

All Gone

I jabbed the snooze bar for the third ti in for another dip into the dark underworld of sleep, when Trey pounded on the wall between us, shouting, "Just get up already!"

"You can shower first!" I said, trying to sound chipper from beneath the duvet Our elderly hot water heater was in its last throes, crackling and popping ominously every ti that sounded vaguely like a curse word, but then I heard the groan of the pipes and the light rain of our ater pressure

I tucked my nose under my arm and sniffed Not terrible If I skipped a shower, I could closeto the side until after Trey left for school