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Breathe

I went to that place deep inside, the one Zu had asked me about I retreated as far as I could as the first beah the hallway’s darkness Fear couldn’t touch me there, not even as I was hauled up byin my face The dark spots in my vision blotted out the soldier’s face, and I couldn’t hear anything over htened and soainst the base of my skull, I knew they’d identified ues as Dr Gray was dragged off to the side, clawing at the soldier who separated her froh for me to see them lower a white plastic muzzle down over his face

Radios buzzed, a swar over my head, and I heard none of it Both of my hands were secured, the zip ties unbearable as the soldier holding ht and flippedjabbed into the side offorced into oing to , never mind the state, if this didn’t work I should have practiced I should have found a way to try it on a group whenthey’d given h to be bloay, but it couldn’t touchof ht that settled over the to do

I’d spent ht spool, only letting it out by inches, and only when I needed it The strain of keeping it bound up had been a steady, constant reminder that I had to work to keep the life I’d built for myself out here It was a muscle I’d carefully toned to withstand nearly any pressure

Letting it all go felt like shaking a bottle of soda and ripping off the cap It fizzed and flooded and swept out ofto be uide it, and I didn’t stop it--I don’t know if I could have if I tried I was the burning center of a galaxy of faces, memories, loves, heartbreaks, disappoint dozens of different lives I was lifted and shattered by it, how strangely beautiful it was to feel theirinside my head sloith theto resues of h my mind like a drop of ink in water But I was in control of thethat I needed to say to them, one last idea to imprint in their minds

"I’m Green"

I woke to cold water and a woman’s soft voice

The smell of bleach

The aftertaste of voing and clattering of an old radiator in the instant before it let out a warm breath of air

"--need to run the test while subject is conscious--"

Wake up, I commanded myself, wake up, Ruby, wake up--

"Good There cannot be any confusion on this, do you understand?"

I dragged iness My eyes were crusted with sleep I tried lifting a hand up to wipe it away, to ease the tingling at the tips ofinto my bare wrists with a vicious bite as I tried to rise up off the freezing metal examination table

The cold water hadn’t been water at all, but sweat It dripped down into the white plasticeach labored, heated breath The black spots floating into the rooan to make sense The poster on the wall, the one with the color chart outlining each of the abilities, Red to Green--Psi Classification Systeh up in the corner of the roo like a heartbeat

Cal, at least Calm down You’re alive Cal else that finally brought h my nose, out between nized the le nearby, the rattling of carts, heavy booted footsteps, and still some part of it felt unreal to me, even as the last moments at the Ranch slammed back into me The flash drive--my boots were still on, they hadn’t taken the ainst my ankle bone I flexed and then pointedin relief when I felt the sharp plastic corners under my heel It must have slipped down

You came here for a reason, I reminded myself The others need you to finish this You have to finish this

I squeezed es that poured in froination They wouldn’t have brought you here if they were just going to kill you I saw the iray face The way her stiff hand had fallen onto the ground, dangling into the ditch they would lower her into Maybe this was about having an official record of where my body was buried

And suddenly, it didn’t h I was ten years old all over again, waiting in terrible silence for soet caught in Help ht, someone help me--