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I protect my fire the only way I kno

There’s a place deep inside of s there I won’t let the Trainers take, locked up tight where no knife can cut them out, no lash can slice them, and no shock of electricity can void them When I was a kid, a little one, it was a place where stories took shape--where Greenwood really existed In class, I’d be listening to the drone of our teacher onefro our tree froone When I snapped out of it, either because so atthe da scratchy bark on ainstlost in your own thoughts Well, I disappeared Moave me the dumb, horrible nickna at the kitchen table staring at h, watching a full-on filination play behind my eyes, and have to physically shakeI lost so many hours to books with the world blanked out around me Maybe different parents would have tried to break the habit, but mine let me slide intorow up Stop drea

But damn if the first time the Trainers had me down, hands tied, feet tied, I was scared so shitless I just instinctively went to that headspace It was like ju myself sink to the bottom as they hammered away the surface of the water I was deaf to their voices, even as they screaave me later, when my skin stained itself with bruises and I tried to knit the open pieces back together They pulverized us early on, turned us to raw et pain Show anger, get pain Show humor, pain Happy, pain Sadness, pain Want, pain In the spaces between eating and pain, they drugged us Sweet, black nothing

That’s what’s left in the others Nothing Their aret lost in a maze of memory the way I could I write myself different pasts I write h that I let myself stay locked inside my head for hours as the Trainers drill me with threats, rake poison words down ave me food, water, medicine for the hurt, I didn’t think thank you, thank you, thank you, I will listen to you noill never let you down again I need you thank you thank you the way I heard the other kids sobbing until they were silenced with more pain I didn’t even notice I was safe inside ether, forcing us to sing with the me watch her perform a play she’d written about unicorns and fairies Sa ain to let ainst hers just once as we sat up in our tree Ten and eleven, three days before the ht she could hear it, too She wanted to knoas so great about kissing, and I couldn’t ever say no to her when she turned those deter myself for a moment exactly like this I knew that I would find Mia in a place like this, and I’d need to be able to keep a lid onon , pale, starving I inature comebacks I practiced the mask of apathy that cah to play the game

It was pointless I should have known ht now, I feel like I’h to ives a sharp jerk, and the hu control over my body’s horrible tic onlyher, I can’t lose this chance to find Mia and be sent back to the facility But he can’t do this to Sa to put together the logic I hear the ca for a status And even though I can hear one of the PSFs, a woive the s in the air, waiting for someone to accept it The Trainers told us our pri out Save fire, ere allowed to use force when necessary to h

My body lurches forward I ju there flying back like a startled flock of pigeons By the ti doard her, and the others are finallyaim I slam into her from behind, too hard to really brace herself froround, but I try to maneuver one of my arms beneath her The PSF’s baton catches the side of oes li, she starts to fight again It’s the last gasp of energy from an animal that knows it’s pointless, but still won’t surrender Not easily, not willingly I admire the hell out of her for it

"Restrain her!" I hear one of the PSFs shout