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I could think of about a thousand things I missed while I was at Thurmond, but dresses were not on that list My dad’s favorite story to tell strangers and indulgent relatives was the day he and Mom tried to button me up into a blue one for his birthday party when I was three Because the buttons were so small and impossible for auzy bit I spent the rest of the party proudly parading around in Bat to try it on?" I asked

She looked back up at me and shook her head Her hands dropped froer’s shoulders, and it took ht she didn’t deserve it She thought it was too nice, too new, too pretty I felt a sweltering hate rise in me, but I didn’t knohere to direct it Her parents, for sending her away? Her camp? The PSFs?

I pulled the dress off the silver rack with one hand and took Zu’s arain, her dark eyes ith confusion, but instead of explaining--instead of trying to force her to understand the words I wanted to say--I led her over to the dressing roo section, thrust the dress into her hands, and told her to try it on

It was like tugging a boat in to dock on a thin line The first few times I handed it to her, she would put it down and I’d have to pick it back up again I don’t know if her desire finally won out, or if I’d ed to exhaust even her wariness, but by the ti room’s door, I was so relieved I al" I turned her back around, so she could see herself in the room’s tall mirror When I finally coaxed her to look, I felt her shoulders jerk under ain a an to pluck at the fabric She was shaking her head, as if to say, No, no I can’t

"Why not?" I asked, turning her so she was looking at ht?"

She didn’t look up, but I saw her nod

"Then what’s the probleht her sneak another look at herself in the corner of thethe fabric of the skirt, and she didn’t seeht," I said "There is no problem Let’s see what else we can find"

After, she wanted to find soly, the adult section had been deciear and industrial jumpsuits After several patient explanations about why I didn’t need the silky cornflower blue nightgown or the skirt with daisies on it, she--with a look of total and co to try on jeans and plain T-shirts

And then she pointed to the bra rack, and a part of me wanted to crawl under the discarded piles of kids’ pajaht as well have been in Chinese for how much sense I couldwhen the first touch of frustrated tears welled up in my eyes

There were not many times I’d stop and think, I wish Mom were here I understood now, at least, that what I had done to her I could never fix She would never look at nizeother than the look in her eyes when she saw s about her seee by the minute; that one moment I could remember what it felt like for her to brush my hair, and the next, be furious that she had abandoned ht irl, like she was supposed to

But whose fault was that, really?

Zu’s lips puckered in thought, her eyebrows knitting together as she surveyed the Everest of undergaran to pluck one of every size, tossing the ourselves silly for no real reason at all

Eventually, I found what I thought ht fit for me It was hard to tell; they had all been so da straps While I changed out of ether an outfit for herself that looked like sos beneath it, and a jean jacket that was one or two sizes too big for her The rest of the things she found were stuffed into a flower patterned backpack I pulled down off a display for her Now that she had found her own things, she wanted to go the whole hog and pick out things for the boys, too

When I found her a new pair of tennis shoes with rosy laces, she actually wrapped her ared me, like she could squeeze the thanks into me And while Zu was not especially impressed by the pair of short black boots I found for myself in the men’s section, she didn’t try to force any of the ribbon flats or towering high heels ona button-down shirt she had chosen for Chubs when I reht back," I told her "Wait right here, okay?"

It took ain Liam and I had walked past it so quickly as we ether sure that I hadn’t i the supplies--a pair of bright pink rubber gloves dangling amid a sea of traditional yellow ones

"Hey, Zu," I called as I led them out in front of me and waited for her to turn around When she did, her loves that she walked with her hands stretched out in front of her--the way a princess exaers and wrists would I watched her curtsy and twirl in her new dress as we lapped the store, all the while her feet dancing over the evidence of what had happened at the checkout lanes Watching her, feeling the exhilaration swelling in lass and flickering monitor displays, either We turned down the dirin off my face

Lia off the braid she’d woven in littery hair tie I sat on the tile and she sat on the shelf behind nificent!" I told her, when she held a broken mirror out in front of my face "You are incredible"