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"We," Cate said, letting that word sink in before continuing, "are an organization dedicated to helping children affected by the government’s nes John Alban--have you heard of hience adviser to Gray"

"He started the Children’s League?"

She nodded "After his daughter died and he realized as going to happen to the kids who survived, he left DC and tried to expose all of the testing that was happening at the camps The New York Times, the Post, you name it--none of theh that Gray had them under his thumb for ‘national security’ reasons, and the s with the econo to wrapif I had ue to…help us?"

Cate’s face lit up in a sht"

Then why did you help only ly, and deeply rooted I rubbed a hand over s in e feeling rising into work its way up froht have been a screanize my own voice

"The others? You mean the other children?" Cate’s eyes were focused only on the road in front of us "They can wait Their situation wasn’t as pressing as yours was When the tio back for them, but in the meantime, don’t worry They’ll live"

I recoiled almost instantly at her tone more than her words The way she said that--they’ll live--was so dismissive, I half expected to see a hand come up into the air to wave me off Don’t worry Don’t worry at the way they’ve been mistreated, don’t worry about their punishuns constantly trained on their backs God, I wanted to throw up

I had left them behind, all of theether After everything she had done to protect me, I had just left her there…

"Oh--no, Ruby I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize how that would sound," she said, turning back and forth between me and the road "I justI was there for weeks, and I still can’t begin to iine what it must have been like I shouldn’t act like I knohat you went through"

"I just--I left them," I told her, and it didn’t , or thather "Why did you only take me? Why couldn’t you save the others? Why?"

"I told you before," she said softly "It had to be you They would have killed you otherwise The others aren’t in danger"

"They’re always in danger," I said, and wondered if she had stepped a single foot beyond the Infirmary How could she not have seen? How could she not have heard it, felt it, breathed it in? The air at Thurmond was so coated in fear that you could taste it like vomit at the back of your throat

It had taken me less than a day in that place to see that hatred and terror came in circles, and that they fed off each other The PSFs hated us, so they had to make us fear them And we feared them, which only made us hate the that ere at Thurmond because of each other Without the PSFs there would be no camp, but without the Psi freaks there would be no need for PSFs

So whose fault was it? Everyone’s? No one’s? Ours?

"You should have just left me--you should have taken someone else, someone as better--they’ll be punished because of this, I know it They’ll hurt the the sense, but I couldn’t see, the heart-sing guilt, the sadness that took hold and never let itself be shaken free--how did you tell someone that? How did you put that into words?

Cate’s lips parted, but no sound came out for several uided the car over to the side of the road Her foot caas and she allowed the car to roll to a hesitant stop When the wheels finally ceased spinning, I reached for the door handle, a spike of total and co?" Cate asked

She had pulled over because she wantedif our situations had been flipped I understood

I leaned back away fro the door open, she slaer over ainst the seat as hard as I could, trying to avoid her touch This was the worst I’d felt in years--erously close to losing control of it If she had any thoughts about huggingh to convince her not to try

"Listen to me very carefully," she said, and it didn’t seem to matter to her that at anyup the road She waited until I was looking her in the eye "Theyou ever did was learn how to survive Do not let anyone make you feel like you shouldn’t have--like you deserved to be in that camp You are important, and you ue, and you ht "I will never hurt you, or yell at you, or let you go hungry I will protect you for the rest of h, but I will always listen when you need to get so warm bloomed in my chest, even asto that, to thank her, to ask her to repeat it again just to be sure I hadn’t misunderstood or misheard her

"I can’t pretend like it never happened," I told her I still felt the vibrations of the fence under et But part of surviving is being able toto study her fingers gripping the wheel "Nothing like it exists in the English language It’s Portuguese Saudade Do you know that one?"