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Without Bay singing, it was too hard to sleep, and I decided to do what she did when she couldn’t rest

I decided to go to the night races

When I get to the racing lanes, I climb up into the stands The water doesn’t look blue in the di It’s no color at all People talk in h and joke the way they do during the day When a bettor coer, I shake my head I don’t have money for this

"Then why are you here?" he asks

"I came to watch," I say In the dark uable and unapproachable instead of stupid It ht He mutters but leaves me alone

How often did Bay come here? I wonder I have her shell in et it out In the dark, crowded stands, it would take one bump or jostle and I could lose hold of the shell, and then it would clatter and shatter on the hard ground below

Even thinking about it makes me feel sick

Maybe her voice will coht Maire’s shell withmyself to leave it behind And then there’s the airto pretend like tonight is just a nor to the deep the rule about carrying thecurfew

The announcer doesn’t shout out the nan and soht on it so we can see who’s up next Everything is more discreet, more serious If the peacekeepers decide to o to prison But I’ve heard that so, too, and so the races aren’t ever shut down permanently

I feel sad that Bay came here without me And I wonder how she felt all those years beforethat I planned to leave I didn’t mean to be unkind I just knew I couldn’t stay I always felt close to Bay, because she was the one who knewthat secret made her feel far away from me She always knew I had to leave her

And I didn’t know that being apart would feel like this If I’d knoould I still have gone?

Did Bay ever race at night? She always came home cold but dry, but she could have worn a cap, covered her hair The thought of her being in that waterthe swi to keep therainy light, I realize that I should probably try this, too

Swi in the cold and the dark is what it will be like when I try to go up Even if the sun shines Above, it won’t reachtime

But I don’t want to race here I’ve heard what people say about the racers, and I watch how they swier hope These people want so no one else can understand

These are the people who are not happy in Atlantia, who have things they cannot forget or who feel wrong in so

I understand thehtens me