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"Wow," Gracie said

Pastor Robinson’s coffee sloshed onto the ground as he tucked the clipboard under one arer--for him to yell at someone to clean it up, to throw the clipboard, or to slaer, but that’s ould happen if so business

I heard Pastor Robinson’s reaction before I saw it It didn’t register because it was illogical, to me at least When he lifted his face, it ith tears

A horse dropped a du

"Not … what I expected," I said Humor wasn’t a typical emotion at my house even when my dad lived with us Especially when he lived with us

"If you don’t do bathroom humor, we can’t be friends" She elbowed me in the side When I didn’t respond, she said, "It’s funny, so he’s laughing People do, you know" Like she knehat I was thinking Like she understood the differences in the ere raised

Pastor Robinson’s hand rested on his shaking, Christer It surprised rade

"Vaughn?" She touched the top of ht"

I pulled away and grabbed a shovel

My fahter

My dad left when I was eight, and my mom never recovered I’d tried to convince myself that it wasn’t ht, in trouble all the time, and I’d alondered what kind of strainthat my dad didn’t like me, but he’d always been the one to handle the teacher’s conferences and suspensions He made sure I had food andhis faon, s like balanced meals and clean clothes When she was down, she could barely take care of herself,strike--beautiful and unpredictable I worked hard to keep her condition private, which is not a thing a kid should have to do Fodder for country ballads, but also the reality of my life

Shame leads to secrets, and secrets lead to lies, and lies ruin everything Especially friendships No kid wants to explain that hissnacks to class because she ran out of Xanax before the pharmacy would refill the prescription Other parents stop inviting you to birthday parties, because you don’t reciprocate No one asks you to join sports teaistration deadlines, and if you do, no one ever reet you altogether

So you do things that make them remember

I kept ift into a rusty wheelbarrow It had seen its fair share of manure The wheels squeaked, but it rolled just fine The wooden handles orn and sturdy I shook the contents into the coainst the wall, and washed e I jurazed my shoulder