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My list of achievements is quite impressive, if I do say sooff bla to Shelby Baron Shelby is a boy, by the way, and before I was kicked out of organized sports, he was the first-string quarterback I was third In basketball, he was starting center, and I cleaned up spilled Gatorade behind the bench All of that, and he dated Gracie Robinson He’s just always been better than me, so therefore I don’t like hi I’m Tall, Dark, and Inappropriate
On the day of the incident, I drove by the church and noticed that Shelby happened to park his Mini Cooper--seriously, a dude named Shelby who drives a Mini Cooper--underneath a tree Said tree had a large flock of pigeons roosting on its branches, and there I ith a glove compartment filled with fireworks I saw an opportunity, I predicted an outcoo down
A lot of bird shit went down
And, thanks to a ard spark, I set the church on fire
For the first time in my life, I was in real trouble The juvenile syste even more unexpected occurred--the pastor of Main Street Methodist swooped in and iven a choice If I’d agree to give up eant, the incident would be expunged from my record
For forty hours of community service
I’d mowed a zillion lawns to save up for a winter-break trip to Miami If I took the deal, I’d have to cancel it No beaches No nightlife No bikinis The et out of celebrating Christmas with my family
All two of us
But rades to get into e choices, but way too many admissions counselors were concerned aboutany letters of reco a church on fire is the kind of news that gets around College would get me out of this toay froe said I had a choice, but it wasn’t a real choice
It had to be the pageant
I couldn’t stop staring at Gracie Robinson’s pregnant belly Well, not hers, exactly Mary, mother of God’s
Gracie has dark hair, innocent blue eyes, and skin like butter She’s not yellow I’ot my hands on her skin, it would be soft Not that I was planning on touching her or anything Her father was the pastor of Main Street Methodist--the same pastor as the reason why I was here, at the Rebel Yell, two days before Christmas