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"She had a lot of junk," he said, from his chair in front of the television A cri cup of tea balanced on his stomach

"So on the couch, our pit bull, Lady, resting her box of a head on Anne’s lap "Don’t throw out anything nice, okay? We could have a garage sale"

"You’re not going to have a garage sale," Dad snapped at her "It’s all just going to rot in our baseentle wuff of concern

"We could get the good stuff appraised," Anne said She and Dad had been together too long for her to pay attention to histo pack up those boxes?" He threw up his hands,to take them to the post office? It won’t be you!"

And just like that, otten I escaped with the keys and no particular instructions I went over to the trailer, sat on Grandrandmother had been the kind of lady who loved to drink and s a nurse and the wild tirandfather I hoped that if her spirit watched over the place, she’d be glad to be watching over a party

My dad always said that I was a good kid with a great iination, but also that I was a little bit of a space cadet Anne told hiood for my self-esteem

When he first s would be, but she eet and nor into rages and throwing things and as off so credit card fraud Our first Christether, Anne sewed me a tiny doll with jointed cloth liuess Dad had told her about my old Christmas lists

I didn’t let her know, but I’d teared up when I saw the doll I was too old for it, but I didn’t care I carried her around in ot so sticky with Jolly Ranchers and marked up by pens that I had to retire her to a bookshelf in my room For a few months after that Christuess that’s what gaveabout Joachim

No s piled neatly upon piles of other things, deceptively tidy until I started dis them Shoeboxes stacked under the bed A closet crammed full of clothes A dresser so full the drawers didn’t open A glass-fronted cabinet piled with two sets of dishes and seelassware The ironware bowl she would let me put milk in for the faeries, which she called by the Sicilian naed with succulents, ures The Santa Claus plate for cookies Dozens of hand towels and napkins and bath towels Boxes of jewelry, boxes of holiday decorations, unlit themed candles frourines

It was a treasure trove

I found cookbooks from the sixties and seventies with pictures of people in front of trays of crackers or pots of fondue I found chahballs I found long sparkly dresses in silver and pink and gold, with shoes to match I found rhinestone necklaces and even a half-full bottle of Scotch

Wren ca out stuff we didn’t need for the party I kept all the old photos for Dad, the sets of china and some of the jewelry for Anne, and so wooden cabinet down to a consignlassware, including a little ice bucket We threw out loads of slips, towels, and greeting cards

Then I started to really plan

We needed food

We needed booze

We needed uests

We pooled our Christht a whole wheel of Brie, a block of cheddar, a bunch of grapes, and tiny, individual quiches that cooked in the oven We also got chips, crackers, hulass bottles of Coke It wasn’t exactly ured that once it was all arranged on trays surrounded by grapes, it would look pretty nice

Then we arranged for the drinks Penelope had a cousin we could pay extra to get booze for us I wouldvodka punch in Grandma’s punchbowl, and then hopefully we could pool our funds and get some bottles of Korbel, a few more of André, and a case of supercheap beer I know that over at Mossley, they probably guzzled capital-C chaion of France But no matter how classy I wanted our party to be or howthe lireed to make a playlist on his phone and had the stuff to run it through Grandma’s ancient sound systeuy she liked from the local coffee shop if he’d coo to, but he’d try to stop by, and ever since she’d been trying to play like the possibility wasn’t on her h all the Christhts Wren, Penny, and I hung the of the trailer and from the trees outside We stuck candles in silver snowflake candleholders, covered the furniture in white sheets, and polished trays until they gleaet the place shipshape Soht at the trailer, stretched out on the scratchy sheets of Grandht that old-smeared Krampus In my dreams, he flayed off all my skin with his whips, and underneath I was lass, like one of Grandlass cracked and fell, sharp shards of icein the torch fire, and my real self was underneath, a self no one had ever seen before

You created ht and hot as coals But once you create a thing, you can’t always control it

I was raw and tre for him not to hurt me or maybe to hurton my skin