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"Alht on schedule"

Josh and I have had exactly one ful interaction per year, none of which have leftdesirable When ere fresh Joann Sfar in the cafeteria He was excited to find soof questions, but I was too overwhelave me a weird look and then left

When ere sopholish teacher partnered us up for a fake newspaper article I was so nervous that I couldn’t stop tapping rasp And then it flew into his forehead

When ere juniors, I caught hi out in an elevator It wasn’t even at school It was inside BHV, this ible hello, let the doors close, and took the stairs

"But," I persist, "I have a reason to talk to hiht lead to so?"

"Since when is human behaviour reasonable?"

"Come on" I widen my eyes like an innocent doe "Can’t you pretend with "

"That was a joke," I explain, because sometimes Kurt needs explanations

He scowls at hiainst the side of his body "It’s not logical, and I can’t explain it, but…I think Josh will be there tonight I think we’ll see hies into my new dor a run-in with an eoing to ask" Although I was

My last eutters Over the summer, it faded and faded until it was barely visible at all The ghost of a hope Because Kurt was right, human behaviour isn’t reasonable Or predictable Or even satisfying Josh wasn’t there atday I checked the café at all hours for teeks, and rated as I was faced with reality: I didn’t hear any music I didn’t feel any rain I didn’t even see any Abe

It was as if that night had never happened

I looked for Josh online I pulled his email address from last year’s school handbook, but when I tried to send a casual/friendly explanation/apology – an email that took four hours to compose – the server informed me that his account was inactive from disuse

Then I tried the various social networks I didn’t get far I don’t actually have any accounts, because social networking has always felt like a popularity contest A public record ofI found was the sa beside the River Seine, staring sombrely at some fixed point in the distance I confess I’d seen it before He’d been using the picture online for n up anywhere just to beco that I swore to led his home address The waves of my shame were felt across state lines But it was in this final step towards stalkerdo His father’s website featured a photo of the fa an airport terminal in DC The picture had been taken two days after Kismet, and the caption explained that they’d remain in the capital until autumn The senator looked stately and content Rebecca Wasserstein aving towards the ca that toothy, political-spouse smile

And their only child?

He trailed behind them, head down, sketchbook in arer, and ed on a blue sticker shaped like America

I’ What would it have revealed about me? About him? I wondered if he ever looked at it I wondered about it all su et it fixed"