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He raises one eyebrow, amused ‘Oh, I think it is Get her out first’ He nods atover the bin; dry retching, now

‘She can’t walk You’ll have to help,’ Muera sewer rat, then depositsfor Happy Pills, no doubt They won’t find any I droop back on Amy’s pillo, too exhausted to think, toopen

Under the loose carpet by the : s Of Gianelli after the Lorders took him: Mum told me to destroy it Hoish I had And the one of Ben If they see how I drew him, they won’t buy the innocent little Kyla and her ‘friend’ They’ll see how I feel about him I forcethem not to make a mess There is no outcry, no ‘look what I found’ I start to hope they won’t find theh I can’t believe it

Finally there are heavy steps in the hall, down the stairs Mo, as easy as that? Somehow I don’t think that is the end of their interest in e of Ben they wanted to see: Ben the dangerous boy, the one warned to stay away And I backed her up It felt disloyal, wrong ‘I’m sorry Ben,’ I whisper Tears well up Ben would want you safe

I drift, not asleep or awake: hts jues like still photographs flit in and out of s stretched wide Ben in the h him There are footsteps up the stairs, and the door opens I struggle to open my eyes, to ain Vaguely I hear movements across the hall, in ain

‘Kyla? I’ve put your roohts Come on, Amy will be home soon’

She helps me up and across to my room It smells all fresh and clean; the sheets, new and crisp I can als ‘Thanks,’ I whisper For this; for everything

Unable to stay awake another second, everything goes black

‘Kyla?’ Muht you sons of stress frory’

‘Eat it anyhow’

She helps me sit up, tries to feed me but I take the spoon frory, but now as I taste toood, and I ary I shouldn’t be How can I eat after what happened?

I finish the soup

‘We have to talk,’ she says ‘I’, but this can’t wait’

‘Okay’

‘Why did you black out?’

The Lorder’s question, but she deservesinto my pillows What do I say, what don’t I, and it is all too ain, andnext toh blurry tears ‘What do you know?’

‘Jazz didn’t say much Just that you orried about Ben He took you to his house, but you didn’t go in because there were aht you hoht: Jazz didn’t say I ith Ben ‘What happened to Ben? Please tell me’

‘I don’t know for sure’

‘I have to know Please…’

‘If I find out anything, I’ll tell you But you mustn’t ask anyone else about it Do you hear me, Kyla? This is serious Don’t talk about Ben, don’t look upset, don’t do or say anything about him Not at school, or at ho unbearably, but not as bad as the pain inside when I think about Ben How can I pretend like nothing is wrong? Because you must

‘What you’ve told the Lorders today is your story, the only story Keep it just the same to anyone who asks: at Group, school, here at home’ Home? She means Amy, and Dad And her choice of words: what I am to say is a story My story, not the truth She knows oes to the door, then turns back

‘Oh, Kyla? That was such a beautiful drawing of Ben I found it and the others last night I’m truly sorry I had to destroy them’ She shuts the door

Eyes wide, I stare at the space she just left Thanks Muain They would have found them, I’m sure Somehow she knew they would coht while I slept And I realise she would have found the one of her son Robert, too: she must wonder how I knohat he looks like How I know about hi me? Or, maybe, she doesn’t trust me She searched uilty of anything beyond a few ill-advised drawings

Hoould she feel if she knew that it was because of ot the pills; that he got the idea, even, to try what he did? Hoould she feel if she kneas the one ielded the grinder that cut off his Levo?

Late that night I hear a car, and wonder if the Lorders are back But when I slip out of bed to look, it is Dad He’s not due back for days There are voices below; he sounds cross Very