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Even so, deception isn’t iician and attracting attention away fro she would like to exaive the trick away

‘May I ask you a question?’ I say

Dr Lysander sits back She will often answer questions, if you dare to ask them But it is best to check first as she isn’t always in the ranted

‘Why the fascination with hide and seek? It’s a happy drea’

‘What could it represent?’

‘I don’t understand’

‘You hide fro, you see? Why do you hide? What do you hide?’

Oh I think about it for athe hospital is much like the last tiround car park to a gate; Auards have a quick look in the car and finally raise the barrier Relief washes over uards behind The whole hospital complex felt heavy and dense around s How did I live there for so long?

And the guards: they are Lorders, too When I lived behind those walls I just accepted the toith their guns, the barred s, the guards that patrolled outside with dogs The high fences

Is it all to keep people in, or out?

I stare out theall the way back frohts, while Amy sulks, upset that her hero Dr Lysander wouldn’t take ti ho faer wake in theunsure where I ah hospital security and behind the bars and guard towers felt not co today, but claustrophobic: it made me want to jump out of the car and run all the way back to the country Away fro crowds of people Motorways and roadblocks with black vans and guns

At least Dr Lysander agreed with Nurse Penny, and told Mum to let o walking alone if I want But Mum was less than pleased when Dr Lysander said she wants to see le week: every Saturday we’ll have to make this trek

We are nearly home before I re on the road? It wasn’t on the radio news, then or now

Why would he know?

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

Sundaythe sky is a brilliant blue, but so cold my breath is a white shroud about my face I shiver and wrap my arms around myself as I wait for the bus that will take us for cross-country training More students arrive, and a teacher with a clipboard

The bus pulls into the school, followed by a car behind: Ben I wait for him while the others climb on the bus

Ben’s smile is surprised ‘I didn’t know you run,’ he says

It was that horrible closed in feeling at the hospital yesterday that made me decide to come I knohy Ben runs; I used to, too, on the treadym Endorphins, they are called: chemicals released in your brain when you run and run, past the point of exhaustion, past the point of achingto your body any h and you never want to stop; everything inside becomes calm and clear, in icy focus And maybe, just a little, I want to run because of my dream, when I can’t run any more and collapse I want to be able to run away fro that I was serious and wanted to go, and had to be res on my own Amy just s

The cross-country coach, Mr Ferguson, gives roupie,’ he says, and rolls his eyes at Ben Soet what hein hs

There are a dozen or so boys and alirls They all seem to know each other, and ‘little’ I am, smaller than any of the others

I slip into a bus seat by the ; Ben sits next to me As the bus pulls away from school, he leans down and whispers in my ear: ‘Is it true?’

‘What?’

‘Are you just here because I anant, and punch hi you were’

I look away, confused Does he mean it? What about Tori? I don’t knohat to say, so I say nothing

The ten kiloh Chiltern countryside: footpaths over fields and woodland, with a few hills, ditches and creeks to scramble across Not exactly a treadmill, and I start to wonder how I’ll be They’ve all done this course before Ferguson shows me a e flags – all the way I scan the map, several times: it only takes moments to commit the route to memory

The boys start, first: I watch them take off across the field We uson walks over

‘You haven’t been to any of the other training sessions,’ he says

‘No I just joined the school a week ago; I couldn’t’

‘Fair enough Just watch your step, and pace yourself, all right? Ten kiloet in shit every ti,’ I say

Surprise crosses his face, and he laughs ‘Ha! You’re all right Let’s see what you can do, eh?’

A few of the girls look less than pleased

He starts us off

We run across fields at the beginning; unused to the uneven ground, I take it easy, getting into a rhythm We’re spread out with me somewhere towards the back of the ht