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I was dying Or at least I really hoped I was

During the operations, I often screa theh They planned on keepingain

I wasn’t even sure what they were looking for, and honestly, I didn’t think they knew either From what Dr Daniels told me, the doctors and scientists at the quarantine were no closer to finding a cure for the lyssavirus, despite all the examinations and tests and vivisection they’d performed on me

Daniels was the doctor I dealt with the s – drew blood, occasionally gavetoo terrible All the truly gruesoeries were left to a nah Daniels repeatedly assured eons, some of the finest that had ever practiced medicine, I wasn’t convinced Any doctor who had taken the Hippocratic Oath wouldn’t act like they did

In the night, they would come into my little white room – a less cell that was a cross between a lab and a prison The surgeons always ca based on some theory I was more complacent when I was drowsy, but I don’t think I was ever really "coet ical masks They didn’t need them, not yet, so I could only assume they wore them to keep themselves faceless They wanted to make it as impersonal as possible To them, I was just a lab rat, and they didn’t want to huht the as best I could, but I was groeak Everything they did tome, even if the process went much slower than I’d have liked Alht blue through my nearly translucent skin

As often as I could, I atte in place, anything I could think of to keep , I hadn’t seen the sun in I-don’t-kno-long, and I was constantly losing blood and occasionally an organ

When I’d first started getting carted off to these surgeries, they’d sent four men, and they could barely hold me But this ti not fighting they I never prevented anything froht, I atteht, to just let the rooht of the cold hts, the scent of the disinfectant, it flipped a switch inside me It filled me with an all-too familiar terror and a wave of intense nausea passed over me

The men had each taken one of round As soon as the door swung open to the operating roole out of their grasp, and when that didn’t work, I tried kicking theer than et for s

By the ti the to appeal to their hu I said – tears, prayers, bartering, pleading – it all fell on deaf ears

They took off my shirt, and then they laid me down on the cold metal table They held me down until the leather straps were secure A strap ran across each ankle, thigh, wrist, and either overon where they planned to cut Today, the strap went over my ribs, so that meant my abdomen

After that, the two men left, and I waited Soer

But eventually, the operating tea loves on their hands It all appeared like any nor: The patient was coeries were perfored them I strained to lift my head, as if it would so, if I knew exactly what tools they were using to slice me open "Please Don’t do this You just did this a feeeks ago I need time to heal Please Let’s postpone this"

But they didn’t talk to st themselves in lohispers that I couldn’t understand

"Okay, if we have to do this, can you just give ?" I asked "Just let me know before you cut me Give me a second to prepare , I laid ht, it nearly blinded , I felt the blade, cold ritted my teeth and squeezed h my skin was the least painful part of what they did

It hen they were inside, playing with , that it was impossibly brutal Soh

I winced as excruciating pain began in , butas they pried open the incision they’d just an I probably needed to use to stay alive