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"Saht, but ould he knohere they were?" There was soht Saery there before Landstuhl" I felt his gaze boring intothe papers "What are you trying to tell me?"
"Look at the date"
"July sixth"
"What were you doing that suh school, and Moo to the Boulder cae with Riley" Instead of Vanderbilt, where I’d wanted to apply; just another concession Idawned
"Because your dad was deployed," he finished
Chills ran from my scalp down my arms
"Look at the record, Deceentle
I flipped back to the start, for the attending physician Dr J A Howard
There was no panic, no sense of betrayal, or anger, just the feeling that so had come full circle, complete "He was your doctor"
"He saved h his walls, lost so when I went down I’d only been in Theater for a razed my arm" He pointed to the scar in his tattoo, the one I’d traced the night of the Snow Bash "One went through h and hitall over the place, and I kneas going to die Medics couldn’t get the artery claht down inho home" He looked back up to ery, that’s when he started talking to me and realized who I was He’d seen a how unembarrassed I was to be there with my dad "Why didn’t you tell nore the jolt that went through ain "You were so hanistan I couldn’t tell you that if he hadn’t been there, I’d be dead I didn’t want you to see me as the reason, your dad as the price ofhis face as he looked up athim so very much
"Sometimes But I’m not the only one he saved, Eeon I wanted to tell you about it; I just couldn’t watch you walk away You pushedbecause you didn’t want to think of our relationship starting when he died How could I tell you that he’s the reason I’hmy whatever? Was all of this forto hear his answer I needed everything to be real between us I wasn’t sure I could handle being a pity case "Were we real to you? Iyou"
Pain lanced through his eyes before he hteen" He nodded his head toward the picture of us "I wasn’t good enough for you back then Hell, I’ I’s I’ve done, and the things I’ll potentially do I had no right to love you, but I couldn’t helpto do with any of that"
He pulled ainst him, because I wanted to be there, to steal whatever contact I could with hirocery store, you were even more beautiful than I reirl who’d infatuatedI thanked fate, bowed down, and kissed her feet for bringing you my way But when I heard you say your dad had died, I knehy I was there, in that store after a rando you, so you saved me" As close as ere,is that I’ht sothat held me back, and showed me what it was to be loved, really loved If any part of that had anything to do with Dad, then it’s just so else I’m thankful to him for"
"December, don’t you understand? I didn’t take care of you because I owe your dad; I went after you in spite of what I owe your dad Me staying away fro down your door at two in theme that we’re only separated by six inches of wall? That is what I owe your dad, staying away I know you don’t want this lifestyle I’ht, I’ you need But I also know there’s no one on this earth who can love you as well as I can, and I wish it was enough"
My fingers stroked down his cheek, h scrape of his day-old scruff against razed across his lips, the only concession I’d allow myself when it came to his mouth "It’s not about love, Josh It’s about fear, and it doesn’t matter how much I love you, or how desperately I want to be with you I can’t live in fear of a doorbell I won’t ever open a door to that again I barelyDad, and I know that was because you heldyou; it would crush my very soul and leave me to where I’d be dead, too, only I’d still have a heartbeat" My lower lip tre depths and gold flecks thath, because you are better than any of this" I pointed to the door, where the girls waited for him "Better than any of them My fear doesn’t make you any less perfect It makes me a self-preservationist You--God, what I would do for you"