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My knees gave out, and I sank to the floor I gavethe sobs rackhiso well, healing,like the army walked in and notified us today Why couldn’t there be a clear path out of this arbled and undefined and utterly fucked up?

Would this end before it broke me into unmendable pieces?

I wanted so to be okay, to assure me that my life hadn’t ended with Dad’s I wanted solace, and comfort, and not to think about it for a while Wasn’t there anyone else who could help carry the weight of this house?

More than anything, I wanted Josh’s arms around me, and that alarmedhi

"E me out of my pity party

I wiped the tears fro waterproof mascara since Dad was killed, and walked out of the closet "Hey, little ot Dad’s stuff this ht now"

He nodded slowly He held out his hand, and I took it, walking downstairs with hi for Mom to tell us what to do with theht with myself momentarily before I placed it on Gus’s head It didn’tto be a soldier, and I knew that, but it hurt to see the multi-ca band caught ht She had lost both her husband and son Tears watered her eyes, but she didn’t let the to absorb some of her pain I didn’t see how Grams could have room for any more than what she already carried

I sat down next tohad stopped "Mom, do you want us to sort this out or just put it back in the boxes? We don’t have to do this now"

Her eyes skipped around the room until they landed on the boxes Then she ear to the boxes, leave the personal stuff out One thing at a tiht"

We loaded the scrubs and uniforms back into the boxes but left out the pictures he’d taken with hi kit, and the odds and ends The coreat door stop I picked up the hardback copy of his favorite book, Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet He nearly had the whole thing memorized, and the cover orn in spots fro atthe rush of pain as I came across his

Papers fluttered to the floor before I could catch them I closed the book and picked them up Sealed envelopes with naust December "Mom?" I showed her the letters

She sucked in her breath and stretched out her shaking hands I gave the letters to everyone He’d ed to send a piece of hi as everyone dug into them

Everyone but me

If I opened it now, that would be it, and I would never hear froain I couldn’t accept that

I tucked ot it," he replied, and took his letter to his roo a private s and took the rest to Moht not be up for it now, but eventually she’d want to knohere these things went She’d pulled herself out of this before, and I knew she’d do it again Until then, I’d stand watch like Dad would want

I called Saht with my family, curled up in my bed The sun rose; snow settled in and came down in thick blankets of fluffy whitein the pan, and Mo I peekedif she’d been snatched and replaced during the night, but no She was singing "Les Misérables," which was pretty dang ironic, flipping sausage while Gra, sleepy," Mom said with a wave of her spatula

I took a seat at the bar, and Grams handed me a fresh cup of coffee, doctored just the way I liked it I was afraid to drink, or pinch myself I was afraid to wake up and find Moain, unable toso the waters of noret seven inches today, but the airport should be back open toht for to me?"

I shook my head "Happy to do it" Happy to take her, devastated that she was leaving I took a long sip of my coffee and watched Mom She moved with practiced ease, maybe a little stiff in places, but she was here Her eyes were puffy froed when she read the letter

Mo back to us