Page 42 (1/2)

My feet moved me forward I had no control over my body It was as if it knehat needed to happen I had co about it The fact I was in a tee shirt and nothing else proved that I had needed to be here with this book facing this demon This hell had been all I’d known until Dixie Until her parents let iving me the only joy I had ever experienced The fahtaddict mothers and sexual abuse wasn’t the norm There were real families

I stood on the porch It was in need of a new paint job The white cheery outside was peeling and things seeiven up appearances it seemed My mother had never truly cared She just needed her next fix If she had a supply of narcotics she was good

I held the pink diary in ht as I walked from the car to the house This tiny book held the secrets of this house The memories I wanted to erase The past I wished hadn’t been mine Or anyone’s Not even ertip pressed the doorbell The familiar chime played loudly She was here Her car was parked out front I didn’t even knohat ti but irl anymore

The door opened after several ed and worn out, my mother opened the door She squinted as if I had woken her up at six in theIt had to be after twelve

"What the fuck are you doing here?" she slurred her words The woman who had birthed me had never wanted me She wanted a life she would never lead

"This," I said holding up the pink diary in my left hand "I am here because of the words in this diary A child’s diary, Mother Words written by a little girl who had no one Not one goddamn soul on this planet to care for her Protect her Not one!" My voice had grown hysterical I could hear the hysteria I didn’t care if I was yelling I didn’t care if neighbors heardfrom this house with a child inside Where were they?

"What are you talking about?" she snapped at ainst the afternoon sun Her wrinkles were showing her age too soon The tone of her skin was closer to yellow than tan The drugs were aging her faster than fate would

"The secrets of my childhood The fear The terror thatabout The moments you usedwith my dolls without tears in ht

"Are you here to bitch toChrist, Scarlet You lived You liked it," she spat "Just look at the whore you turned into Chasing boys like Bray Sutton You’re no better than irl But you weren’t planned I didn’t need or want a child You came anyway I had to find a way to deal with this shit life"

Her words should have hurtpast I had survived this woman I wasn’t lost I wasn’t dead I wasn’t unlovable

Saying more seemed pointless I hadn’t come here to listen to her talk I had started to hate the sound of her voice years ago Instead, I slid the book under my arm and pulled a match out of the pack in e and I took the diary of ht fire The orange glo and I wasthose horror stories slowly burn bright

"What the hell are you doing?" my mother screa rug under ed straw I could hear nored it Much the way she ignored my cries as a child When men I didn’t know touched me in places that hurt In places no adult should touch a child

Match afterfor it to catch fire to the wooden porch Finally, it did The rugs flah to catch the wooden porch in its heat Stepping off the porch, I began to light the bushes on fire Thankful for