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Tears came to her eyes, and Dora wiped them away She didn’t want to be e abreath and exhaled "Okay, I’ to say this I’ve never said it before, at least not aloud" She clenched the blanket tighter around her shoulders "I was brokenhearted when I got Nate’s diagnosis of autis to be, if he’d learn to speak, to coo to the bathroo selfish, that I had to think about my child and notthe old erieved over the loss of the child I’d planned on having The perfect child" She shook her head "I know that sounds awful That’s why I could never talk to anyone about those feelings Not even Cal" She snorted "Especially not Cal"
Dora looked up to gauge her sisters’ reactions, sensitive to criticis any, she continued "I’ve been on a long journey since then I kno there is no such thing as a perfect child I love Nate for who he is, just the way he is I may have to teach him about emotional cues, but he’s had to teach me, too Sure, I knoill always hurt when I visitalone, or when he’s not invited to a birthday party Or when I can’t take away his anguish when he’s trapped in the throes of a tantrum But any mother feels this when she can’t make life perfect for her child" She s a mother But this is the part I want you to know I’ll be thankful every day because I thought I’d never be able to have a child and now I have this aift"
Dora searched Carson’s face and saw the vulnerability in her eyes She knew there was soin her chest But Carson was too fragile Dora needed to tread softly
"It’s not going to be easy, no matter what you decide In either case, your life will never be the same" She reached out and put her hand on Carson’s shoulder "You’re my sister and I love you Whatever you decide, I’ll be here for you"
Carson leaned forward and slipped her arms around Dora
"Thank you," Carson said, with a tre her slender arms around both her sisters
Carson lay on her side, her hands tucked under her head and her eyes wide open She’d been lying in bed, listening to the storm slowly dissipate as it moved off island Outside the house, as well as inside, a teray light of dawn through the slats of the shutters She heard the dawn song of the birds in the surrounding trees, vigorously heralding the new day
The dawn had always called to Carson She rose fro it at the waist, she walked out into the hallway, careful not to awaken her two sisters sleeping side by side on Dora’s bed She’d heard the
She opened the front door, cringing when it creaked loudly in the silence Stepping outdoors, she was met immediately with the moist sweetness in the air that always followed summer stor the bark, and in puddles on the ground A pearlyover the island, and as she walked down the stairs she felt as though she were entering another world
A noise caught her attention and she followed the sound, turning her head toward the cottage She saw Lucille in her robe and slippers slowly cli the stairs up to her front porch Carson hurried across the cold gravel to Lucille’s side
"Lethold of Lucille’s arht and hollow as a bird’s They reached the porch and paused while Lucille caught her breath Carson couldn’t re Lucille so winded and it scared her
"I want to lie in my own bed," Lucille told her
"Of course I’ll open the door for you and turn on a light We don’t want you falling in the dark"
"I could walk through my house with my eyes closed," Lucille hts, then held open the door for her
Carson followed Lucille into the cottage All was as neat as a pin The walls were painted stark white but the artwork covering the walls was alive with the vivid colors of popular African-American artists of Charleston Everywhere she looked she saw signs of Lucille’s personality and handiwork--the sweetgrass baskets, the embroidered pillows, the knitted throw It was easy to see that Lucille loved her cottage and was happy here
Stepping into Lucille’s bedrooht the stale scent of illness and medicine She helped Lucille out of her robe and into the black iron bed Lucille had shrunk in size, and her robustness had disappeared along with the pounds She looked like a child with her dark eyes wide in her face, her gray hair frizzled around her head like a halo, engulfed in the brightly colored crazy quilt Carson let her gaze flutter around the roo across the se bouquet of summer flowers, and the bedside table filled with medicine bottles
"There, that’s better," Lucillein my own bed Under ly exhausted Then her gaze sought out Carson, and finding her, Lucille smiled weakly and patted the mattress "Coe of the mattress, careful not to jostle Lucille It was heart-wrenching to see Lucille so weak and frail For her, Lucille had always been the strong, opinionated, unwavering pillar of support This woman had raised her She’d been a rand in vain to stop the tears
"Why you crying?" Lucille asked
Carson sniffed and shook her head "I don’t know," she blurted
"Must be so, ’cause you hardly never cry Tellbecause she couldn’t bear to see her so weak, so sick How she couldn’t iine life without her So instead she told her of the other source of her tears, knowing Lucille was probably the one person ould listen and not judge her